Screw You, Respectfully.

I. I Hate You

Whenever I see your name pop up on my phone, I always feel the need to pass through my phone screen just so I could strangle your neck.

Whenever I hear your voice through the speakers, I badly want to put tape over your mouth just so you could stop talking.

In simple terms, I hate you. Or maybe I just strongly dislike you, because hate is actually a strong word for someone I don't want to kill (yet).

I hate you just as much as I loved you before, when all the happiness in my heart slowly dissolved into disdain and the biggest smile on my face became the deepest frown I wore--I hate how you had that much of an effect on me.

I hate the way I had to beg for your time and attention, every single 'hello' felt like a stab to the heart because I never wanted to ask someone for their time. I never wanted to feel like a beggar on the streets asking for crumbs, but I did because I liked you that much.

I hate the way you lost interest just as we started, the way I can slowly feel you drifting farther away from me but not knowing what to do to keep you. You felt like a butterfly that was once at the palm of my hand. You were slowly flying far, far away from me but I wasn't capable of running after you. I could only watch you leave.

I hate the way you left with such finality. You were never sure about anything but you were certain you didn't want to continue anymore. I know I said I didn't want to do it as well, but I hope you never find out that I was just waiting for you to ask me for one last chance.

I hate how I would've said yes if you asked me.

I loved the way you were so hardworking, but now I hate the way you were too busy for me.

I loved the way you were firm about your choices, but now I hate the way you were too stubborn.

I loved every single black and white part of you, every curve, every edge, every word you say felt like gospel to me.

You felt like my saving grace.

Then you left me in the deepest parts of hell.

And maybe it's the way love turns into pain then translates into anger. The anger I feel is just a testament of how much I actually loved you.

I hate you because I loved you too much.