Psychopathy

Chapter 12- Shockingly, Part One

But that scared young woman he met on the UNO campus wasn't the same young woman that came back into his life two and a half years after. And it was that thought that had made him turn his head away. He couldn't look at it. Not when doing so reminded him of everything that had happened in the year he had with Ciara. And that was when he realized how foolish he had been to try and stop it.

How foolish he had been to forget that the heart didn't take orders from the head.

Some days he managed just fine. Other days it felt like it took all of his energy to keep his head above the water. Some days he didn't think about Ciara once, but other days, it was like she was all he could think about.

On those days, all he could think about was how the last time they'd seen her, she'd been bruised and beaten and violated. All he could think about was how, after three months, they still didn't know where Ciara was. What had happened to her since then? On those days, all he could think about was how they couldn't search for her since they'd been taken off the case, and how they didn't know if she was alive, and three months, three months, three months.

Even on the good days, though, he went through the entire day with this small, pervasive feeling that something wasn't right. It would sit in his stomach and gnaw at his insides all day, reminding him that something was missing. Sometimes he would let himself think about it, but when he couldn't immediately identify the source of his monachopsis, he'd let it go. But later, when he'd be just on the edge of sleep, he'd shoot awake as the answer came to him. Ciara. Ciara was always the something missing.

But even sleep was no refuge for him. How could it be, when his very dreams were about her? He didn't dream about her every night. Some nights he managed to escape that fate. But the nights he did dream about her, they always felt so very real. And when he woke up, the fact that they were only dreams would crash down on him without mercy. And he'd lay there, staring up at the ceiling, missing her so much it physically hurt.

Akilah patted him on the shoulder as everyone crammed into the elevator to head back up to the bullpen to get things done before they went home. He smiled slightly at her, wordlessly thanking her for her concern. She'd been affected by Ciara's disappearance as much as he had; in a way, probably even more. After every case, she went home to that empty apartment. Every time she was home, she faced the fact that she was there and Ciara wasn't.

But yet, when Reid needed someone to vent to, she was always there for him. Whenever he needed to talk, she'd always open the door to him, and when he got there, there'd always be a cup of tea waiting for him. And if he couldn't stand to be in that apartment, she'd come to him and bring her tea with her. Reid only wondered who Akilah vented to.

"There you guys are! They'd told me you'd landed, and I-" Garcia didn't even give them a moment to get off the elevator before she was talking. Something must have happened. Something urgent.

"Baby Girl, what's going on? Don't tell me we have another case," Morgan wondered, and Garcia shook her head.

"You, Hot Stuff, have your own problem. Ellie's mom is here and it is not going well between them. Ellie wants nothing to do with her," Garcia explained, and Morgan nodded. Reid could understand where Ellie was coming from. She probably felt abandoned by her mother, especially when she wasn't there when her father had died.

"I'll go talk to her," Morgan said. Once he was out of sight, Garcia turned to the rest of them. She took a deep breath as her fingers started drumming against the tablet she held.

"As for the rest of you, we have a completely different problem. Well, it's not really a problem, except it kind of is a problem. Can it be a problem and not a problem at the same time?" Garcia rambled. She was about to keep going, but Hotch stopped her, bringing her back on track. She nodded, taking another deep breath. "Ciara's back."