changes

chapter 1.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　
chapter 1
rule 1. no interactions
7:25am in NYC
Kori's POV

"Kori you're gonna miss your bus." My mom said as I walked downstairs.

"No I'll be fine." I replied pulling out my phone.

"Get something to eat." She said picking up jamely, my little brother.

"No thanks." I said and she ended up repeating my name.

"KORI! Get something to eat now. I don't want no calls about you fainting in school again. I tell you take your iron pills you don't wanna take them. At this point I don't have the energy." She waved me off before walking past me.

I was so tempted to say something back but I don't have the energy to argue for the same result.

So I put in my earphones and grabbed a banana before heading out.

My bus was supposed to come at 7:30 and it was 7:28. It takes me a good few minutes to get up there; I'm gonna be late.

I didn't care at this point. Listening to some Jhene as I ate my banana on the way to the bus stop. The ride was anticlimactic. Going into school the same as always.

I go in there, sit in classes constantly. Eat nothing for lunch. More classes. Go home. It has become a constant cycle, everything has become blurred at this point.

The best part of the blur was lunch though. I sat at the same table I always do. A small group of 3 girls sit at the other end talking and eating.

They're cute and look happy but there's a strict rule I have for myself.

Rule number one.

No interactions.

Interactions lead to possible future interaction with the same person. Maybe a platonic or romantic relationship.

Maybe it's going good...

Until it doesn't.

Maybe they say something, do something. Start acting a certain way. You guys separate. Who are you left with? One less person in your life.

Because of my extensive overthinking of scenarios that may or may not play out, I have realized that trying to form a friendship is not in my best interest.

I would rather not self-sabotage it.

I will force myself to interact with people in class so I don't fail. I'm not a 100 grade type girl. I aim more for 80's-early 90's.

I do what I have to do and nothing more nothing less.

Other than this the main reason why I enjoy lunch so much...I spend my time listening to my music staring at this one boy. I've been watching him for almost 3 months now. Big ass crush on him. His name is Aman.

But I'm never going to talk to him. My fear of rejection will not let me. And therefore I will stare at him.

Because if I go to him and he dubs me and tell his little friends I will drive myself insane.

The most I have done to interact with him was follow him on Instagram. He did follow me back. If I had a group of friends they probably would have made me go up to him.

But clearly my ass wanna be by myself 25/8.

Sometimes I think of trying to talk to people but then all the negatives come up. Being a negative person in an already negative world is not a good mix.

But there's just not enough light in my life.

The only lights are my little brother Jamely who is literally 4 months.