Hinayaan ko lang magring yung phone. I did not accept Nix' call.
Malamang ayain lang ako nun kung saan.
Home buddy muna ako ngayon.
Before, I always accept their invites. Lalo na nung naguumpisa pa lang akong iexplore ang extrovert side ko.
And then nung naging busy na ng sobra si Jessica sa work, ako na nagaaya.
I spent money sa mga inuman session na isang shot lang ang naiinom ko.
Wala akong magawa. I needed some fresh air and the last thing I want was to be alone.
As much as possible I am avoiding those thoughts na makakapagpalala ng anxiety ko.
I come to realize that I am not really an introvert person. I love being with people actually.
I was alone before because it is my choice back then.
Even though I grew up with Bea and the rest, I didn't feel like I am a sociable person because for me they are a family.
But after what Dad did to our families, I also stayed away from them.
But now I appreciate being with people. It keeps me sane.
And also, being alone magnifies my anxiety. Kaya siguro matagal bago ako nakamove on sa gap ko kay Dad.
Hindi nila ako kinayang ibangon. My family and friends.
My parents are afraid that I might do something irrational. Bea and the rest gave me the time and space I need. Not knowing that it made me worse.
Now, everytime that I am alone, kahit sandali lang, my mind is already on another planet.
Good thing Jessica came into my life.
I finally saw the rainbow that Monday morning of our last semester in college.
A spectrum of colors that I haven't seen before.
It was evident then that she doesn't like me.
But like a bee that discovered a flower for the first time, I kept on chasing her.
It made me more persistent that she is with someone na hindi niya deserve. Or hindi SIYA deserve. I wanted her so bad.
I did not care if I am being childish then. In fact I really feel like a baby who wanted her attention so much.
Nagbunga naman ang pagpapansin ko kasi 'Baby' ko na talaga siya ngayon 😅.
I didn't care then if I was pushy. I remember the talk I had with Bea one day sa kubo. She asked me if Jessica is just a rebound. I explained to her how I really feel.
She is really a big help afterwards.
I didn't care about anything else that week.
Kung anu-ano na ginawa ko just to gain her attention. She made me do things that was beyond my comfort zone. And I don't regret it.
I was eyeing for the prize.
Jessica Margarett.
Buti na lang I got her.
She is my greatest reward.
And now here we are.
Four years and counting.
Our personalities are exact opposites, I know.
Our differences?
