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Chapter 38 - William

Surprisingly, concern appeared on Trevor's face. "Won't it be too much for you?"

"Isn't it what you wanted?" He frowned, thrown off by the question.

"Yeah, it is," he agreed, "but I don't want to take from you more than you're willing to give, if you know what I mean." William nodded. "You were right when you told me I shouldn't have made you tell me it in the first place. I pushed too far, and I don't want you to feel like you're forced to tell me all this because of me. I was a total jerk."

Trevor had had this revelation at night, and it made him feel like a bad person. Was he really make-ing William do something he didn't want to?

William laughed, but he kept this warm, genial facial expression, especially his famous delicate smile, but then he stopped. "That's kind of you. I thought it through as well, you know. And I think I want you to know. Gilbert's story is not well-known. I guess it did change me in a way. Gilbert's death did change me. I can't say it didn't. He loved me. He did a lot. But all this"—he pointed at the air; Trevor guessed it meant the world—"overwhelmed him. He couldn't comprehend how this world has changed. He'd like to live in the medieval era again."

"Like it was any better," Trevor noted humorously.

"It wasn't. That's true. He knew it. The world we're now living in has so much more options, potential, even when you're not that rich. But, Trevor, Gilbert had all those options before. He was a vampire: immortal, intelligent, strong, handsome." William smiled when he said the last part. "He... he..." William shut his mouth and formed a tight line with his lips.

"William, you're crying," he said.

Trevor didn't know whether he should go up to him or leave him alone. He didn't know what he preferred. He should have asked earlier. Now it was too late to work it out by trial and error. The subject was too personal, too delicate. Hurting William ever again was out of question.

"I know," he said, wiping the tears on his sleeve.

"You don't have to continue. Seriously."

"I know. I want to though. I want you to know. I hope it will help me get some weight off my chest too. I haven't told anyone this story yet. Even Eleonora doesn't know my experience first-hand," he explained, gazing at the brunet, who nodded in support.

Am I the first person to know this?

"Where was I?" William asked himself aloud. "Oh, he. He stopped being himself at some point. I've seen the change but I didn't think much of it at first. You know, I was in love. I was happy. So I thought he was as well. He wasn't. Sadly, it doesn't work that way. You can't just give the other person your happiness. Even if you'd want that more than anything in the world." He fell silent for a moment, which seemed like eternity. "Then, he lost all his appetite. I didn't know he wasn't eating. How could I know? He—well, I tried my best to help him. I went to buy blood for him. He didn't drink it the first time. The second, I was with him to make sure he did.

"I kept him half-alive, half-dead for some time. But it didn't seem like he wanted it. He didn't talk to me. Not really. But he wasn't aggressive or anything. One can think that every vampires' relationship is abusive and brutal, because they both can't die. But rising a hand at someone is abusive no matter if they, deep down, don't mean to hurt or they simply can't hurt you. We weren't anything like this. He wasn't like this. But he was—downcast. Or depressed might be a better term, though he was never diagnosed. You know, it was happening some time ago."

Trevor tried being strong for William, but tears were suddenly welling up in his eyes, blurring his vision like a water curtain. He couldn't help it, though.