Proposal

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A scream startled Mel awake and for a moment she thought it was her own nightmare, but she felt a wave of sorrow and followed it across the hallway to Pyanyap's room

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A scream startled Mel awake and for a moment she thought it was her own nightmare, but she felt a wave of sorrow and followed it across the hallway to Pyanyap's room. "I'm sorry," Pyanyap whispered when Mel tiptoed through the doorway. "I didn't mean to wake you." 

"It's okay," Mel said as she sat on the edge of the bed. The moonlight glistened off Pyanyap's tears and Mel pulled her into a hug. She shuddered at the thought that it was her own fault that her friend was going through this. Her worst fears had been true, Pyanyap was too delicate for war and a month fighting in New York had left her more than just physically scarred. 

"Do you think, maybe you could stay here for the night?" Pyanyap asked, her head rested on Mel's shoulder. 

"Sure," she said, climbing under the covers as Pyanyap slid over. Pyanyap turned facing the window and Mel curled herself around her. 

"You know," Pyanyap said. "I lied." 

"About what?" 

Pyanyap swallowed hard and said, "About my family."

"So you did find them?" 

She felt Pyanyap shake her head. "No, not that. I told you they were nice, but really they weren't; at least my parents weren't. The things I told you about my mother, that was really my grandmother. She died when I was young."

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Pyanyap said. "It's just, when the darkness takes over, I feel like I'm becoming my parents. I was so used to hearing them scream at each other, at me, and I swore I'd never be them." 

Mel thought of the terrible things she'd done when she'd let the mara take control. Not just physically, but like when she'd been practicing with Harrison. It was like the beast inside her could latch on to the worst bits of a person's life and use them as torture. They craved it, too, the agony they caused. "You're not them," Mel said as she nuzzled closer to Pyanyap. "And you're not the mara, either." 

She wanted desperately to believe that not only for her friend, but for herself. Her mind went back to the day she'd turned Harrison's first trauma against him. It had broken something between them, something she wasn't sure could ever truly be healed. Since that day, the beast inside her had shown her other flashes of his past, craving them. She'd seen abusive foster parents, and nights sleeping hungry and frightened out on the streets rather than going home. She'd fought hard against the awful desire to turn them against him whenever they were pitted against each other. 

She could sense him out near the woods, just like she'd felt the pull of Pyanyap's sorrow. He was waiting for her. She wanted to go to him, and yet, she wanted to stay there, to comfort Pyanyap. Like Pyanyap, he carried the scars of war, but he bore them better. And unlike it did with him, her mara didn't want to turn Pyanyap's pain back on her and multiply it. Maybe, she thought, it would be better if I just let Harrison go. He could find someone else, someone healthier, and make the family he was missing. She thought of the scar on her abdomen. I can't give him that.

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