Light's Rage

Bang

"By day, the sun circles the earth like a grieving mother with a lamp." -The Road

Entry-

Im writing in this journal, mostly to keep my sanity, after Emma's suicide. Yesterday, she and a guy she liked finally confessed their feelings to each other, falling asleep in each other's arms. ...just a little too far from their heat lamps, and with no fire.

I should have checked on them. I didn't even think about possibility, while I fed the flames of the fireplace with our wood. I was so exhausted, I fell asleep on the couch... only to be woken up by a gun shot. I'll leave out the details, because I really don't want to recall them later. At least she was nice enough to leave a letter.

"He was lost in my arms, and I didn't notice. I'm off to go find him."

The scariest part wasn't the mess. The worst part is that I'm out of tears. When I saw the scene, a wave of agony washed over me, but it was gone as soon as it came. Replaced by exhaustion, and irritation.

Something that should have been this horrible event, is just the latest in a long line of horrible events. I already raided her belongings for anything useful, and Im preparing to pay a visit to her boyfriend's place before the guys with the carts have their go at it.

Entry -

Anger... betrayal... When raiding the boyfriend's place, I found two tickets for a boat out of here. Emma didn't tell me she planned on leaving. I was the one who first suggested it, back when the sky was still blue. She wanted to stay.

I wondered when... or if... she planned on telling me.

"Whatever happens, we'll be in this together." What a crock of shit.

There were only two tickets. Only their names are on them. Yesterday, I felt alone. After seeing those tickets, I realized I was alone for longer than that. She didn't mention them in the letter.

I still haven't flagged the place for a cart guy. I don't think Im going to. Ive just left the door closed to her bedroom. Traitor.

Admittedly, I sat on the couch, holding her gun. Five rounds left, well, aside from the box of ammo she kept. I rotated the cylinder, wondering how she could do that to herself. There was nothing stopping me from doing what she did, this might seem a bit cliche, but taking the same way out she did, felt like admitting defeat, for a problem that just needs a solution.

Its been dark outside, for quite some time now; days or months. I know some people haven't responded well to that. This city is dying... its time to go. Its been time to go for a while now. I should have done it then, but I have the opportunity now.

"Emma Meyer." Its not like my current identity has done me a whole lot of good.

The tickets are for a boat leaving the day after tomorrow. Its for an expedition to one of those crazy fire spires that were built before the snow kept piling up.

Entry -

Trying to pack light, while also making sure I have the essentials.

I tried to alleviate some of my anger at Emma by visiting her boyfriend's place again. Maybe there was a third ticket I overlooked. Anything, anywhere. Some evidence that her plan wasn't to kick me to the curb. Something to at least soften the blow. ...nothing.

Entry-

On the boat, and watching the city disappear into the darkness.

I stayed practical: I snatched up the bread, brought a 2nd pair of clothes, all the paper money I could get my hands on, a pocket watch, matches, the gun for self defense (seventeen rounds), etc.