The Lost Knight

Chapter 1: ...The Golden Key...

  You know, Doctor, sometimes I wish that I was stuck In a dream, lost In Its wild contortion and wandering Its Infinite terrain. Behavior wouldn't be a concern due to the nature of my being would be Irrelevant. Nothing would truly matter anymore nor will It Involve consequences anymore. Nothing would be able to lay any harm on my body but my mind will witness almost Infinite outcomes, realistic and fictional. I would be at war and at peace at the same time with my eyes sealing up for good. No more Destruction of personality or abuse of any kind will befall upon me for any reason or any way whatsoever. I would be permanently at rest with only being enclosed to my own mind, rearranging and dismantling the world I once knew Into a world that I could only dream of. No one could ever change this. Many would try, but who could stop this?

  I wouldn't have to worry about my depression and anxiety coursing around my head. I would only have to fear the nightmares that would spawn from my unstable mind. Except, I would rather be stuck with murderous monsters that would often chase me than Mistakes I made and continue to make. At least In this world, I am away from those I have harmed and far from those I couldn't save. I only wish to be far from my head and distant from those of whom I hurt myself to please. I wouldn't be alone with my problems but could create situations where I'm In great hands and finally at peace with myself. Maybe I can look at a mirror and enjoy the site that reflects back from It. Maybe I can smile finally.

  I figured out that when Dreams die, the hopes of a dreamer dies, too. I don't want my dreams to die. They're the only things that can comfort me In my dark times and hold me through the night. They feel like a gentle kiss that sweeps against my tender, rosy lips and bandages my wounds of self Injury and recklessness with only the highest quality of medical supplies. They feel like a warm hug and head rubs that ease my damaged and colorful mind, laying me on a bed of flowers to only comfort me throughout the night. These feelings are what I chase after In my dreams and what eases my mind In the toughest of times. Maybe, one day, I could be stuck In one of my dreams, feeling at peace with nothing to get me down. A permanent escape from the Sad Phase.

  Maybe I could figure out why I feel this way and why I say these strange things. To be honest, I have never truly dreamed. Storms of Nightmares crash Its fierce waves of hatred against my head, roaring like a great beast Inside myself. Mistakes and regrets attack me ferociously like I was the worst man In the world to ever exist. I never truly had a home to rest these dreams and to these dreams I was alone. My mind was always a bundle of carnage and mass chaos to surround the clouds that form in my Sad Phase. I have nothing to save me from this horrible landscape of Imagination and lost words. Nothing to protect me from myself.

  Maybe I can figure out who I am and what nightmare I will become. I feel like a monster and my heart aches with the most vile of poison, eating away at it's flesh and harming my lungs to a suffocating mesh. I wonder when a hero will come and save me from this nightmare, but It feels as If I have become a slave to the madness. I just want to be free from my lack of sanity. I just wish to be away from the pain and suffering. I want to be away from the real world as soon as I possibly can and as soon as I die I would be relieved from this disaster of a life I have. It's funny to me because dying wouldn't change my view from other people. I am already Invisible and when I die, I will be truly gone.

  If I could turn back time to exit this sadness, I would have done It. Long before the self harming Inflicted It's jaws onto my arms and legs; Branding, Cutting and Burning my body to feel something for only a split moment. It was a couple years of supply for this situation but the damage on my body is eternal and I can't fix that pain. Trauma alone is good enough to put me In this phase of Blue, Purple and Black, but I pushed Into It too far. I can only see the Inky black and lay In Its warm stomach of dark liquids. I had choices and now I wish I could replace those choices with better ones. I could have made life a lot easier, but I decided to push through the hardships until I started creating them on my own. I don't know what's worse to be completely honest. Me creating these problems or the fact that they are unsolvable.