All I ever wanted

14.

"I miss those times too. You have no idea how much I miss them. But let's make new ones." He comforted me. I wrapped my hands around his body, and I fully let my head rest on his chest.
I could almost hear his heartbeats.
"New memories.. will they be the same?" I asked. The world spinned around me, so I closed my eyes like it would help.
"Same..?"

"Yeah.. moments like this..." I mumbled, and he stayed silent.

"Maybe we should continue our way to hotel, before you fell asleep here." Olli chuckled a little bit. So we kept going, but he still hold me close so I wouldn't fall.

We arrived to the hotel, and Olli walked with me to mine and Niko's room. His and Tommi's room would be one floor above.
I searched the key from my small bag, and I found it with my little bit shaking hands.
"You survive to the bed? Or should I come to help you?" Olli asked caring. I lifted my head up and looked him. I was silent first.
"I can handle on my own. Also thank you for taking me there..." I said and Olli took my hand, and hold it. Smiling.
"You remember what you told me that night I engraved our names to the bridge?" He asked and looked our hands. I watched his every move, every emotion he had on his face.
Then he lifted his head up, and our eyes met.
"That I would promise you one thing. That we would stay best friends forever, no matter what." He continued. A sharp feeling danced in my body.
I swallowed.

"I remember that. But I think.. it didn't go as we planned." I nervously chuckled.
"What do you mean?" He frowned a little bit.
I sighed and this time I looked our hands. How he stroked the top of my hand with his thumb.. please never stop that. It makes me feel special. Safe.
"Olli.. ten years..." I whispered because my voice got suddenly so weak. He took me into a hug.
"I know. And I blame myself about it that I didn't take any contact to you. I want to replace all those years. I want to know every little detail what you did. I want to know what you have been doing. Can we do that?" He whispered to my ear. And it made chills to my body.
"Yes.. I want to know what you have done as well. But don't blame yourself from anything, please? It's my fault too." We pulled a little bit apart, and we studied each other faces.

"Maybe I should go to sleep.. I know my hangover is going to be awful." I said and Olli just nodded, but he didn't look so happy. He only stared the door.
"You have been asking from me that am I okay. And I'm glad that you ask it but.. are you okay?" I decided to ask. He looked so.. tired. Mentally and physically.
Probably because of the alcohol, but even when he was sober he looked like it. I was worried.
He didn't say anything, only smiled a very little bit, and continued staring the door.
"Maybe we should go to sleep." He said and let go of me, but didn't look me in the eyes.
He almost started to walk away, but this time I took a grip of his wrist.
"No, talk to me. I can see that something is bothering you." I said worried, and he only avoided eye contact.

"Olli." I said after couple of seconds of silence. Carefully and slowly he turned his eyes on mine.
"I don't know.. it maybe sounds weird..." He sighed and almost gave up. But I kept staring at him, and it was a hint for him to talk.
He clearly hesitated, and wanted to escape this situation. But I didn't let him do that.
I lead him to sit down on the floor, next to my room door. I sat next to him.

"It's.. I love touring.. I love this band.. I love playing bass.. I love these guys..." He started, and his eyes wandered everywhere.
"I know..." I talked with soft tone, and stroked his hand.
"It's like an escape from everything. You know? I can spend my time with my best friends and have fun. I can forget everything what is going on at.. home..."
I frowned a little bit. I knew there was something wrong. He tried to find words to continue, but it looked very hard.
"What do you mean..? Has something happened...?" I asked gently.
He moved his gaze to me, and his eyes looked tired. We really should go to sleep, but he just started to speak and tomorrow we wouldn't have that time to talk.
"Sometimes it can be very hard to -" He started but some very annoying sound interrupted us.
"There you are! I have been looking for you everywhere, I called you like hundreds of times!" That woman said annoyed.

Olli rolled his eyes and sighed, and we both got up carefully so we wouldn't fall.
"Shouldn't you go home to sleep? We have early morning..." Olli suggested tired.
Emilia looked me for a second, and then Olli again.
"If you want. But let me help you to get yourself to your hotel room, it's all I can atleast do." She said and took his hand.
"Emilia.. I can handle it on my own." He sighed, eyes almost closed.
She only looked pissed, and let go of his hand.
"Well.. at least we see each other before you have the gig in Lieto." She talked, I don't know if her voice has changed in to higher note, or is it because I'm so drunk that every sound sounds weird.
She leaned closer to Olli to kiss him, but Olli turned his head away a little bit. It made her confused, but more annoyed than she was before.
She took the last look into me, and gave me very murdering look, and then walked away.

Then we stood there, and listened how her steps with those high heels went further away, until we didn't see or hear her anymore.
"This is what I mean..." He sighed and buried his face with hands.
I stroked his back.
"We should go to sleep, seriously." I said and he agreed.
We hugged once more.
"Good night." I smiled to him.
"Good night..." He let go of me.
I opened the door, and immediately I saw that Niko was sleeping on the floor.
I sighed loudly, Olli was already walking to the elevators, but he stopped and turned around.
"What is it?" He asked.
I shook my head and rubbed my eyes, Olli walked back to me and then watched to the room over my shoulder.
"Oh.. well that's not new but I can say that we can't lift him up to the bed." He smirked. Then we looked each others and chuckled.

We walked inside to the room, just in case that somebody else will be there too.
"Found Porko." Olli said when he stood near the big window, and apparently Joonas was sleeping on the floor too, next to my bed. I walked there, and yes, there he was.
"Why is everyone on the floor?" I guestioned and Olli just chuckled and shook his head.
Then some noice came from the bathroom, and we both kinda flinched. Olli walked to the door and opened it, Miki was there.
"You look like shit." Olli said to him, and all I could was only try not to laugh.
"Thanks.. I threw up couple of times and I almost fell asleep on the floor..." Miki groaned and came out of there.
"Go to sleep." I said to him and immediately he layed down on Niko's bed.
"Can you manage to be with these?" Olli looked me under his eyebrows, I just nodded and showed with my hand that he can go to sleep.
I layed down on my bed, and before I rest my head to the pillow I took a last look on my left side to the floor. Joonas was still sleeping.
"Tomorrow we all will have quite good feeling." I sighed and then took better position. And only in seconds I felt asleep.

Oh my, these drunk dudes...
Olli opened up to Eevi a little bit, but of course that one woman had to interrupt them.
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Stay strong and safe 🖤