Acquiesce

thirteen

It was mid of 2007, me and Liam were acting as if we're on good terms for the sake of the kids. The kids have been also curious. Especially because they stayed longer with granma and granda than expected, and we(me n li) are always out.

Liam and I wanted to be the type to be there for their kids even if their days taken over by school, but with JULY coming back on the road and Oasis's tour, and Liam and me not on quite good terms, they had no choice but to stay at ma and pa's.

Layla was most worried, "mummy, are you and daddy alright?" she asked shyly as she drops her school bag on the couch. My breath hitched a bit, a lump grew on my throat. "Yes, love." I answered softly. "Daddy's just sick."

She's a shy one, takes her a loooong time to admit or ask something. So I felt bad just say 'yes, love.' to a question she must've been gathering courage to ask for over a month now.

Lennon usually didn't care much, he was always playing, but with how down he was recently, Liam was worried sick.

Which always gets me, he loves those kids so much it's heartbreaking.

Lennon recently hasn't been up to any mischief, almost looking burnt out to do so, I thought it was from school but from the way he would gaze at me and Liam and how we don't hold hands anymore as we walked together through the park, he must've also had the same feelings as Layla.

But he stayed quiet, I don't know why. Lennon was easier to read for Liam but for me he was a tad confusing. He was like his father, you know when he's upset but you don't know how he'll react.

Winston was the leader of the three, not because he's oldest or summat, but because out of all the three he seemed to be the one who knows everyone by heart. He knows Layla likes blueberries in her pancakes and knows Lennon likes his pancake with strawberries.

He knows when Layla is upset and he knows when Lennon is mad. He knows what Layla is currently obsessed with (Polly Pocket) and he knows what Lennon wants for his birthday every year (a new set of toy cars to race his current cars).

Winston is my little saviour, and seeing him upset over something from the way he bites his lips often is truly heart wrenching. "Whats the matter, kid?" I asked, he left Layla and Lennon with Liam who played at the backyard in their trampoline Noel got them. "What's the matter with you and da?" He asked out of nowhere, a bit confident with his question but I can see he's shy and worried.

I prayed to god to help me pull myself back and not cry in front of my very confused 6 year old son. I shake my head and given him a smile, "Me and your da are fine, just aint feeling well. Reckon its a fever but you know your da." with that he nods, before pursuing his lips and grabbing a yogurt cup from the fridge.

I have a hard time confronting my kids, or giving them an answer to questions like, "why are we staying at granma's for months now?" or "is daddy okay?" or that sort because i can't lie to my kids. I want them to know the truth but it just not for them yet, and it's not like Liam and I are gonna separate so what's the harm? And it's true, their daddy's sick.

But i must've spoken too soon.

I tucked the kids in the spare room, they're all whining about sharing a bed with each other. "I've shared me bed with my sister till i was 16 I turned out fine!" i told them but they just wouldn't, "but mum im a girl! they're boys!" Layla complained. "You guys are by blood." i said, giving up in trying to convince them to sleep together, and so i grabbed a few pillows and placed it in between of the three. Like a barrier.

The kids were all asleep, i hope, when me and Liam sat down at the kitchen table. When I walked down the stairs he asked for me to talk. I was nervous. I was absolutely nervous of what he wants to talk about.

And I felt my whole world stop when he opened his mouth, "I want a divorce."