UNPLANNED

extra: jane on tour

That helped calm the anxiety that buzzed inside of you. No decision was permanent. If you hated being home or on the road with him, you could go back to work. Maybe not at Facebook, but you had enough experience and a good enough resume that you'd be able to figure something out, right?

He bent forward and kissed the top of your head. "I love you, it means a lot that you're coming with me."

You stood from the floor to head for the dresser against the wall with your clothes in it. "With the last year we've had, I don't know if we could handle long distance."

He made a face at that–open mouth and furrowed brows, like you'd punched him in the gut or said the most offensive thing ever. "I think we could handle anything!"

You eyed him over your shoulder. "Yeah? Long distance a whole month and a half into our relationship with a newborn baby?"

He rolled his eyes at that and waved you off. "Love can climb mountains."

"Did you read that in a fortune cookie?"

"Maybe."

**

Jane was in your arms now, somewhere in the UK, mid April made the air chilly and even with his baby strapped to your chest, you felt a little out of place. The green room was busy, someone was brushing his hair and Jeff buzzed around with a look on his face that made you stay out of his way.

Luckily, Glenne was by your side to reassure you. "He just gets a resting bitch face when he's in manager mode."

"Are you sure we can stay in here?"

"Yes," Glenne nodded. She walked over to a table with snacks. "Want something?"

"No," you shook your head. "Too nervous?"

Harry, from only a few feet away, heard you. "Nervous? About what?"

The rest of the people in the room were too busy to pay you any attention, but you still felt heat rise to your cheeks when you spoke. "For you–first night."

Glenne popped a few grapes into her mouth but laughed. "He's fine. He's a pro at prancing around and shooting water out of his mouth."

"Hey," he pointed a finger at her. "I have incredible dance moves."

"Even I can dance better than you," you teased, picking up Jane's hands and dancing around with her. "Right, Janey? We dance to daddy's music all the time and I'm much better than he is!"

Harry frowned at that but reached his arms out to take Jane. You unclipped her and she giggled with excitement when he pulled her into his chest, kisses on her cheeks when his hairstylist ran her fingers through with some product.

"You know, there's wine somewhere out there. Maybe you should have a glass," Harry suggested, Jane slumped into his arms now and was content to just sit there, watching the conversation unfold.

"I don't need a glass of wine."

"You don't need one," Harry said. "But you could benefit from one."

Glenne laughed and you shot her a glare. "I've been much better about my anxiety."

"You have!" She agreed.

"I just want everything to go well. I want Jane to be able to fall asleep after a few songs when I bring her back here. And then I want to come back and enjoy the show while Kenzie stays here and watches her."

Kenzie–a highly recommended nanny from Jeff's circle of married friends–had joined you on the road to make things as easy as possible. Jane took to her well and you were glad to be able to pull double time, mommy first, girlfriend second, but still both.

Jeff came up next to Glenne now, right in time to hear Harry say: "If you miss any of the show I'll put on a private one for you tonight."

"You're obnoxious," you said to him, letting him tug you into his side. Jane looked up at you and you reached down to smooth her hair.

"And you love me anyway."

"Yeah," you said. "Most of the time."

**

Jane was mesmerized–mostly by the lights and the sounds through the big pink headphones that Jeff had ordered. But she also eventually put it together that the face of the guy on the screen was the same guy who sang her to sleep and still didn't really know how to handle a diaper blow out. She smiled and laughed when you passed her back and forth with Glenne for the first three songs.

But you pulled yourself away after a while, knowing that if she didn't sleep soon you'd only have yourself to blame the next day when she was cranky and tired. Kenzie had already set up a makeshift crib in Harry's dressing room, you swaddled her up and kept the lights low when you read her a story, all the while ignoring the screams still audible through the cinder block walls.

Eventually she was out, you passed the torch to Kenzie and headed back for the crowd. A few glasses of wine, two encores later, and finally you were in bed next to Harry, showered and exhausted when Jane's eyelids fluttered against her cheek.

"You were amazing tonight," you said, "prancing and all."

He smiled, rubbed at his eyes and then watched your daughter for a second. "I'm glad you're both here. Would have been weird to be without you."

"I'm glad, too. She definitely recognized you, by the way. At least on the screens–she didn't spend too much time actually looking at the stage."

He scoffed at that. "Rude."

You laughed, reached over to poke his nose. "One day she'll get it and she'll be proud."

He was quiet for a second. "Are you proud?"

"Proud of you?"

He nodded.

"Of course I am."

"I'm proud of you, too."

You eyed him skeptically. "For what?"

"For being a good mom. Even though you were thrust into it."

"You're a good dad."

"Even though I'm making you come all around the world with me?"

"Mhm," you said. "Tonight was easy, too. She went down easily enough, so we'll find our rhythm."

"Did you miss too much of the show? Need me to put on a private one for you?" He wiggled his eyebrows and shimmied his shoulders a bit.

"No," you laughed and gave him a playful shove. "Maybe tomorrow."

"Y/N?"

"Harry?"

"I'll give you private shows for the rest of our lives."

Talk of the future made your stomach flip, in a good way. You smiled and let him pull you closer. "Sounds good."