•Request~ prentissjjareau •
~Cordelia finds reader unconscious in the bathroom because they haven't been eating.~
•••
TW- Malnutrition, Eating Disorder, Purging (vomiting), Passing Out.
- Cordelia is a Motherly Figure-
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For reasons you didn't know how to comprehend, or for reasons you just didn't want to understand, it was happening. It was back. A couple months ago the need to lie in bed hoping that you'd just fall asleep and someone would leave you alone, had hit you like a train and you were laying across the tracks. You wished they'd leave you alone long enough to not notice that you stopped going to meals. But with a certain someone ruling over the academy, that wouldn't happen.
Cordelia Goode. She could fix anything only by looking at you kindly or giving a little hug. She was a woman who had protection and security radiating off of her, but this was almost out of her help.
Now, you tuck yourself under the blankets squirming in pain as your stomach growls begging for you to fill that empty void. You wouldn't let it get to you. For most that means a trip to the kitchen, for you that only motivates you to work out harder, run a couple more laps around the neighborhood. The pain was enemy you were determined to defeat.
A knock on the bedroom door caused your body to still. "Y/N?" That familiar angelic voice rang like bells throughout the room. "Little bird.." a nickname Cordelia didn't use that often, but when she did you knew something was up. The door creaked open the supreme poked her head in slowly easing her body into the threshold of your bedroom. "Are you awake?" You felt a dip in the bed and a pair of soft warm hands brush stray hairs from your face.
You let a subtle groan from pretending to be asleep. Stretching your limbs then curling into Cordelia's side. You felt your safest here and she knew that. "Well good morning to you too." And of course, perfect timing your stomach growled making you ball yourself up back in pain. "What do you say, we go eat something?" You internally shake your head. Even the thought of food made you nauseous and your stomach curl. "I'm okay." A whisper left you rolling over facing away from Cordelia.
The blonde cocked an eyebrow. "Please, I don't see you much anymore. Just us, okay?" She knows. You knew if you didn't she'd keep nagging you about it so you took her hand trailing behind her into the kitchen where two plates sit. She had previously made pancakes. She definitely knows. She planned for the girls to be out today. Cordelia placed a glass of orange juice beside your plate. Liquid calories- no. You had certain rules of what you could and couldn't consume. "Um-can I have water instead?" Cordelia turns around breaking her attention from the counter to you. She tilts her head being easy on the eyes. "I thought orange was your favorite?" You let out a small huff at her concern. "I said water. Please." Loosing what little patience you had left.
She puts down the glass of water whispering a soft "sorry." before sitting down at the table beside you. You scoot the food around with the fork staring blankly at the plate. Cordelia watches the entire time. What you didnt know, is the Supreme is starting to catch on to your relapse, but shes unsure of how to ask you about it. Afraid that she might scare you off or send you down further into this rut. "Playing with your food doesnt make it go away, honey."
Rolling your eyes you shove two bites down to please her and run back off to your room this time making sure the door is locked. But who am I kidding, no lock can keep a supreme out. Tears welling up in your eyes. Your vision had been compromised the world around you was blurry. You slid down the door holding your knees to your chest. Cordelia wasnt far the taps of her heels could be heard coming near. Then the she came knocking once again. "Y/N open up." She jiggled the knob with no response from you. "Y/N, its alright. You're going to be okay. I'm not mad just let me in."
Hot tears streamed down from your red puffy eyes. "Go away-" Cordelia doesn't see the your defeat, but she hears it. It pains her to step away from you when she knows she can help. So she leaves you, she sits on the staircase waiting for the right time while you cry alone.
You know you messed up. You messed up all the progress you had made. The only way to feel accomplished was to go all day without eating. Those days added up, the calories count down, but nothing could please the voices that were in charge of you.
You found yourself sitting on the tile bathroom floor next to the toilet. This part wasnt scary anymore. You had done it too many times before. Putting the two same familiar fingers down your throat- bringing up what little you had ingested this morning. The empty feeling came back. That void was hallow. The voices told you to suck it up, work through the pain no matter how much you just wanted to admit you were sick and have Cordelia to hold you forever.
You couldn't. So you picked yourself up off the floor changing into your workout attire. The clothes were barely tight on your thin frail body. Every day you'd find a new bone that would protrude out from your ribs or hips. Starting with 100 situps, 100 crunches, 50 jumping jacks etc. Telling yourself 'one more rep.'
You got to your second rep at 96 situps until you couldn't do it anymore. Black spots took over your vision making it hard to stand up, but you managed to get to the bathroom splashing water on your face. Your body had enough. It was tired. The world was spinning until darkness fell over you.
Cordelia was still sitting on the stairs with tear stained cheeks. She was coming to her realization that she failed you. All she wanted, ever since you arrived at the academy was to keep you close to her, safe. There was no doubt she considered herself as a mother to you, she loved you like her own. Now, as the Supreme watches from a far you slip further away from her each day. She cant help but to think this is all her fault.
The sound of your body hitting the floor turned on every alert, worry and maternal concern that Cordelia had. She rushed over to your room unlocking the door with her powers. She sees your feet lying just barely out of the bathroom doorway. "No no no." She whisper screams as if it will reverse the actions. "Y/N hey, wake up. Its me." She lightly taps your cheek with her palm and checks your pulse.
Cordelia dampens a wash cloth patting your face with the cool rag. "Come on, stay with me please." Your breaths are shallow. It is at this state where Cordelia notices the purple bags under your eyes and how your lips are chapped. Your cheek bones poke out more then they used to. You've lost yourself. The blonde runs her fingers through the thin strands of your hair. "Come back, little bird. I'm here."
With just the sound of her voice seems to do all the magic in the world. Your senses start to come back. A subtle twitch of your nose and you squeeze Cordelias hand which is conjoined in yours. She looks down then back to your face where your eyes are now open and the black spots are gone, but the tears are not. "Hey shh it's me Y/N, it's me, you're alright." Cordelia lifts you up setting your fragile frame in her lap tucking your head under her chin as she rubs your back cooing gentle words.
"I cant do it anymore. I'm so tired." You finally admit your defeat. Cordelia closes her eyes in slight relief. "I know, and you know I'm always going to be right here." Wrapping your arms around the blonde she pulls you in closer. "Help me." You whisper almost inaudible but Cordelia will always here what you have to say. "I'll help you no matter what, because I love you like my own and you dont deserve to hurt any longer."
"I love you Delia." Closing your eyes letting out a breath of relief. You know the recovery will be difficult and it has to get worse before it can get better. Yet, with the help of Cordelia by your side she'll get you through it. She always does. "I love you too Y/N."
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A/N- it's almost 1am and I didn't reread this. Wow great start am I right...
