back to you | paul atreides

thirty four

"You bled a lot." Stilgar added. "But thankfully we were there right when it happened so we were able to contain the bleed."

Realizing where I had been shot, I felt whatever blood I had left leave my cheeks. "Wait, but what about..." My hands went to my belly as I thought about the life inside it.

Strangely enough, I could still sense the baby's presence. I didn't sense death, but life. The healer was quick to confirm this.

"You were shot at the centre of your abdomen." The healer answered. "I'm not sure how, but the most the bullet did was puncture your intestines which I was able to contain along with the bleeding. The baby was uninjured."

"Baby?" This came as new to multiple people in the room. I tried to ignore the heat spreading to my cheeks. Many of the Fremens' eyes widened in surprise, though Lady Jessica seemed rather unfazed by the news.

Stilgar exhaled a shaky breath. "You're with child?"

Not wanting to address this right now, I asked "Could I speak to Paul alone?" With a bit more force than necessary.

There was a pause. "Don't try anything stupid." Stilgar warned me with a look, obviously wanting to question me further on my pregnancy, but complied with my request as he followed the others out of the room. Chani's eyes lingered a little longer before she stepped out.

Paul remained on the other side of the room until the rest of the visitors had exited. I found the courage to meet his eyes which were staring at me in a childlike wonder..

He approached my cot and lowered himself closer to the ground so that we were on the same level. "I thought you were going to die."

I didn't say anything. Instead I stared at him, into his green eyes. I couldn't tell what he was thinking, he was concealing his emotions very well.

"But you didn't." He continued with a weaker voice. "But I thought you were going to. Lia," he raised his hand onto the bed, gently slipping his hand into mine. "I don't even want to feel that scared again. Never. I thought I was brave but the thought of you dying is the scariest thing I've ever had to endure."

My eyes moved down to our hands. "It wasn't on purpose."

He let out what seemed to be a painful chuckle and pulled his hands up to my face and cupped my cheeks. "I was scared because I love you, Lia. I am so deeply in love with you."

I could feel my mouth part as I stared at him with wide eyes. He had said it before, but hearing him say it now felt... so much more powerful. 

He shook his head and shut his eyes. "I tried so hard to hate you for not choosing me, but I know that you did. In your own way, you chose me. It hurt, but I understand. You did what you thought you had to do to protect me, and I love you for that."

I couldn't say anything. I remained frozen in place, trying to blink away the tears that seemed to be forming in my eyes. Paul used his thumb to brush away a stray tear, his brows pressing together in pain, passion. Love.

"I-I don't- why are you saying this?" I stuttered and another tear fell. I was crying. Why was I crying?

"I thought..." His eyes went to my stomach. "The way I saw it was that you left me for someone else. For Feyd-Rautha Harkonnen. Then you told me you were pregnant and I thought..." He trailed off, bringing his eyes back to mine. "I thought that was an even worse betrayal, that you slept with him. It made me feel insignificant, and that's my fault."

I shook my head. "No," I told him. "Never. I never have and... I've never done anything like that with Feyd-Rautha. I promise."

He nodded his head. "I know, I know. I realize that now. I see how blind and stupid I had been... I should have talked to you about it. I should have listened," he scowled. "But I didn't. And you nearly died."