Devotion

13| not done just yet.

My apartment was empty, the cleanliness of every edge was questionable and ultimately, impossible to endure. My couch was occupied, stacks of books, some open and some closed laying around my floor. They haven't been touched in weeks, just staying in my tiny apartment with nothing to tell me, despite words being written all over them.

My bag was left in the tiny car my mom bought me on my 18th birthday. The only thing to put down were my heavy keys and my phone, the hurtful message still on my home screen, as if it was there to remind me of my foolishness. What did I even expect? Bucky Barnes, coldness of the century, falling in love with me?

How could he love, when he doesn't even like me?

I sat down on my chair, scratching the floor and I had to hold onto the edge of my darkwood table, due to my senses still not being used to the real world again. The hex messed with my insides, not only physically, but also in an, for the normal human species, unexplainable way. Time doesn't move the same way, it does in the ordinary time zone. My breaths were taken in a different way and the blood pumping through my body hurts in my ears.

I gaze at my phone quickly, heart skipping a beat as the memories flow in my brain like a storm, wandering around my whole body. I couldn't explain why I felt that way, not even if someone would hold a gun to my head, the blackness would swallow me whole.

I used to despised him just as much as he despised me. Now, he despised me even more than he did before only because I found a liking in him, its probably in his self destructive nature.

I wouldn't call it love.

It was love, in the hex, centuries spent together with Bucky, now like a fever dream imprinted in my mind. Here, it was just a crush, I can just shrug it off, I'm sure of it.

Grabbing my phone, I clicked on the notification. The lack of messages before the hurtful one was reminding me of how unnecessary the pain in my stomach was. He is not my lover, he used to be a friend, now he blames me for things that no one could have prevented, like a damn child. I deleted the conversation with a few clicks, his number suffering from the same action. It was easy, fast and refreshing.

I sighed and opened my instagram, spending the rest of the afternoon in the toxicity of social media. It was distracting enough, that I noticed as I yawned, my body being even more exhausted than I thought it was.

However, the doorbell interrupted my plans on going to sleep. I almost didn't recognize the sound, being used to the bell of my and Bucky's home in the Hex.

There he was again, implanted in my thoughts and I shook my head while opening the door.

The Face my eyes scanned, made my heart jump a little, before it sank due to false expectations. Still, I grew a smile and greeted my guest, as I eyed him from head to toe. His cologne was strong in my nose and I silently thanked him for numbing my senses. His shirt was blue and suited him perfectly.

"Hi Sam, what a surprise!" I heard myself say, my voice sounding as if someone else spoke, someone across the room. He didn't notice my absence as he pulled me into a tight hug, something cold touching my stomach, as I jumped at the sudden temperature change. I only noticed the champagne bottle now.

"Let's party and talk a little!" He half-shouts as he notices me staring at the cold bottle, reminding me once again of numb eyes and mean messages. Sam enters the room without a second thought and I close the door, sighing again, like a lot of time today.

My window displayed the time, the sun was painting the sky in beautiful colors, something I have missed in the Hex too. The pink being reflected in Sam's eyes, showed me that he probably had a similar thought process as I did, except him not being in the hex for all that long.

"I have a good and a bad message."

His sudden tone change, mixed with the champagne bottle being placed carefully on my table, tingled my senses and made my alarm clock ring. They were never wrong.

Two dark brown eyes filled with worry, looking up at me from my couch, books still resting on them, creating a mess, confirmed my guts.

"Y/N, sit down, this is your place."

His light giggle made me want to join him, but my body didn't seem to obey me today. However, I managed to sit down beside him, as he breathed in deeply, preparing himself for the big announcement.

For normal people, this might look as if he was about to tell me he got a new Job, a Fiancée or something of the sort. But for people like us, superheroes and Agents, normal lives were not in reach.

"The mission isn't done just yet. I have to get you."

There it was, the heart beating out of place and the uncomfortable feeling deep in my stomach.

My breath hitched, eyes gleaming and probably scaring Sam as he grabbed my hand and squeezed it gently.

"I promise, it will be just fine. No Hex anymore. Just stuff, you know?"

He was well aware of his grammar being off and his words barely making sense but I got what he meant immediately.

Stuff.

Like James Buchanan Barnes.

AN:
Im back and better than ever.
The chapters will be longer and (hopefully) better written.
Also: new cover!
I've done the whole outlining of this Book and now the plot is decided! Be prepared. :)
thank u so much for all this love on my work, it means a lot to me.
-ky