weak ➸ camren

chapter 4 ➸ this isn't something i'm used to

“Well, now you’ve got me on your side. I’ll make sure they know when enough is enough.”

Lauren was on her side. Camila swallowed hard. This wasn’t how she had planned to spend her weekend… crammed into a hospital bathroom with a heart that wanted to trust Lauren but a brain that wanted to run as fast as she could away from her.

“I don’t get why you’re still here,” Camila huffed. Every time she started letting her guard down and allowing Lauren to get a glimpse into her mind, she immediately snapped back and pushed the girl away again. It was becoming an endless cycle.

“I’m not giving up on you that easy, Camila,” Lauren said simply. Camila didn’t move, but she heard shuffling and a few moments later the door to the bathroom shut softly behind Lauren.

Taking a deep breath, Lauren sat down on the stiff plastic chair and glanced at the bathroom door. She was trying to give Camila her space without ignoring her. She didn’t want to force Camila to talk to her or be around her. Lauren hoped that eventually, she wouldn’t be the only one putting an effort into their friendship.

“I don’t get it.”

Lauren jumped when she heard Camila’s voice only a few feet away from her. Looking up, she realized just how skinny Camila had gotten. Even with the oversized hospital gown draped over her shoulder, Camila was merely a ghostly pale figure. The color from her face had slowly vanished over the past few months. It made Lauren feel sick to her stomach.

“Don’t get what?” she asked, being caught off guard.

“You.”

Lauren bit her lip when Camila shook her head and plopped down on the edge of her bed.

“Me?” Lauren asked cautiously.

“Yes, you. I don’t know, I don’t get it. You didn’t care before and now you won’t leave me alone no matter how much I try to get you to leave. I don’t like it,” Camila sighed, dropping her head into her hands. She was too exhausted to try and censor herself anymore.

Lauren was about to speak when Camila cut her off. “I just… Why? Why are you here? You don’t have to be. You don’t owe me anything. I thought whatever little bit of friendship we had left was gone.”

Camila’s words hit Lauren with a wave of guilt and she looked down at the ground.

“Because I was stupid, Camila, okay? I didn’t understand and I was scared of saying something wrong. Which I did. So sorry for trying to make it up to you.”

“That’s just the thing!” Camila rose to her feet and held her arms up at her sides. “You don’t have to ‘make it up to me’ Lauren! I’m not a charity project! You can’t just come here, act like you care, and then leave as soon as I fucking… I don’t know, bite into a fucking hamburger or something. You’re not entitled to take care of me. I don’t need you! I don’t need anyone.”

Lauren didn’t respond. She couldn’t. Camila slipped back into the bathroom before Lauren could stop her. The green-eyed girl sighed in frustration. If only there was an easier way to get it across that she did care.

More than she should.

As soon as she heard the sound of a door shut, Camila peered out of the bathroom to find her hospital room empty. Lauren had left. Finally. It took longer that she thought it was.

Why was she disappointed? This wasn’t good. She was getting attached. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Lauren’s things were gone out of her room and Camila realized she’d left her hoodie with Camila. The younger girl looked down at her arms, realizing just how big the hoodie was on her. It gave her an odd sense of accomplishment.

A wave of nausea suddenly washed over her and she sat down on the edge of her bed. Her hands immediately went to the sides of her head, pressing her temples to try and get the room to stop spinning. It wasn’t helping, so she finally settled for lying on her back and staring up at the ceiling. 

Her eyelids felt heavy and slowly she became too tired to even move her pupils. She didn’t feel tired, though. She just felt… weak.

Camila would never admit it aloud, but somewhere deep down inside… she was disappointed that Lauren had left that quickly.

Eventually she closed her eyes and told herself she’d just think in the dark for a while. Her mind immediately went to the conversation that had happened between Lauren and the other girls when they were in the room.

Ally had started to ask Lauren if she’d bought the house just to take care of Camila. That couldn’t be true… could it? Camila resolved on telling herself it was just a funny coincidence.

Then her mind went back to the fact that she’d had an IV in her arm all night, pumping god knows what kind of fattening fillers into her veins. She suddenly felt extremely bloated after realizing she’d also been tricked into drinking part of the tea Lauren had brought her. How could she be so stupid?

Camila forced herself to sit up, pressing her palms to her eyelids and trying to will herself to stand up. Once she did, she began pacing back and forth across the hard tile floor. She counted each step, doing the math in her head and deciding she’d take one step for each minute the IV had been in her arm. That should be enough, right? She added an extra hundred steps to her total, just in case.

431, 432, 433, 434, 435… 436… 437…

Camila suddenly started feeling dizzy, but despite the small stars that started lining the edges of her vision, she continued walking back and forth. Back and forth, back and forth, back and f—

Suddenly, she found herself struggling to take another step. Everything felt… heavier. And she wasn’t sure if she was just delusional, or plain stupid, but she decided a nap would be nice right around then, as her knees gave in under her weight and everything went black. 

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a/n: this chapter was painful to write for some reason. okay you guys.. your messages/comments are making my day. i can't reply if you message me on tumblr because my inbox is being glitchy and deleting my messages instead of posting my replies, but i still see them all! my twitter is @lenajfc if you'd rather talk to me there!

have a great day bbys! i'll try my best to get an update out tomorrow but if i don't (cause i may be too busy with easter festivities) i'll definitely have a chapter up on monday!

- lena