Black as Night (Sirius Black)

Magic Man

He said the words in an almost hypnotizing tone, allowing his hand to slide inside the sleeve of her jacket and grasp her arm, his foot also coming up to rub her leg under the table. His eyes were dark blue in the restaurant's dim light and fixed on her like he was indeed casting a spell, but something told her he wasn't. That was just his own raw, natural power.

"Ahem," their server cleared his throat awkwardly, having arrived with their food.

They enjoyed their pizza with some more magical talk, though centered around more basic things like subjects taught at Hogwarts and what types of shops one would find in Diagon Alley and Hogsmeade. Colleen found herself longing to see it all. She felt a wistful disappointment that Sirius held all these memories she could never even see, let alone share. When he seemed to get lost in describing them to her, she felt like he was out of a fairytale and that if she tore her eyes away from the page, he might fade away.

They sauntered back to Colleen's place under the light of a full moon, Sirius seeming to stare at it thoughtfully, a bit distracted. It was the look he got whenever he was preoccupied with "Order business," as he called it now that she was in on more of their secrets. She squeezed his arm reassuringly, knowing that she likely wouldn't understand what was weighing on his mind but doing what she could to help. It was easy to forget the darkness of it all sometimes— that in that very moment, here on a London street, they were in as much danger as her husband had been on the Millennium Bridge, or Amy Grimaldi's sister had been while asleep in her bed as fire lapped up the wooden beams below her. Danger that Sirius's best friend was likely facing right now, on whatever mission they'd chosen for him.

"Sirius," Colleen began quietly. "Why did they send Remus off on a mission and not you? Why did they send Tonks to work in Hogsmeade, so close to Harry, when you're his godfather?"

She felt Sirius's arm tense within hers and he stared down at the pavement as they walked. "Harry can't know that I'm alive," he mumbled. "No one can."

"What? But you were all over the papers just a week or so ago."

"The Muggle papers," he corrected her. "According to the wizarding world papers I'm dead. And I have to stay that way until Albus Dumbledore decides it's appropriate for me to have my life back."

Colleen felt her stomach sink at his words— at the implication that his real life was elsewhere instead of here with her. "Who is Albus Dumbledore?" she asked, attempting to distract herself with facts.

"Head of the Order. Probably the most powerful wizard alive. Chess master. He decided it was in Harry's best interest to think me dead so he wouldn't risk his life going after me again. You see, the Dark Lord has a connection to Harry, that enabled him to use me as bait, to try to trap Harry and get him to do his bidding. That's what happened the night I...died. It's this connection that Dumbledore deems so valuable— some certainty that at the end of all of this, it comes down to Harry versus the Dark Lord. The rest of us are the game pieces moved at will, it seems, to ensure that all that happens at the proper time. So I am here...with a therapist, of course, to make it seem like it's all for my own good. And it may be. Who knows. But the fact remains that none of it is my choice. And it's fucking maddening."

Colleen met him with silence. It had turned into a far cry from how she had expected to spend the evening. Sirius picked up on her sadness immediately and stopped, pulling her close.

"I'm sorry, my love. I didn't mean to make you think you're not my choice. Because you are, one hundred percent. And if I am ever permitted to return in any capacity, it will be with you by my side."

"How?" she asked softly. "How could Ben and I survive in that world? If I were a target of a Dark Lord, what the hell could I do about it?"

"You won't be," Sirius promised. "I will protect you, always."