The Hatred :story of me

Pt.2

Sitting in bed,just looking at the tiny but huge world within this screen,the very little screen in my hand the only thing bringing me that one laugh every now and then.staring at the wall imagining what I could have,if everything just went away,disappeared,burned...

Trying to get rid of everything never works,my last suicide attempt was months ago and I wish it worked,everyday I wished it worked,never does though,no matter how many times I try,it won't work.

I'm stuck inside a curse,keeping me trapped in this world,never getting the chance to escape,the times I should be happy are ruined...every time.the music trying it's hardest to drown out the thoughts.

My body feeling numb...my eyes empty of what I wish were full of tears to spill everything out,are empty,and dry,beginning to look like shattered glass,the empty walls inside my room,closing in on me every second I stay in here longer,crushing me within minutes.wanting to scream for help,but everyone who thinks there helping isn't,the feeling of not even being able to tell my therapist the truth,because what other people have told and done to me.my mind being dead throughout the years,little weeds of horrible things wrapping around my brain and squeezing it,eventually getting rid of it in which it's only the weeds filled with horrible things are left.

Sitting alone in my bed hugging a blanket imagining it's a person,maybe someone who will actually love and care for me in the future? Maybe...maybe...maybe.

Everything is a maybe now,never knowing if I'll get better.

"Will I get better" and the response is "maybe"

Never getting the things I need to save me.instead when they crawl into my hands they turn to ash.the feeling of being alone staying with me for as long as time can tell.