Ended Up With Color Blue

CHAPTER: 4

But I hadn't gone far when I heard someone call to me from behind me. I slowly turned towards it.

Nanliit ang mata ko na nakatingin sa kanya. Is she following me? Up to here?

Tumakbo ito palapit sa akin, nakangiti ito na nakatingin sa akin. "Sinusundan mo ba ako?" diretsyo kong tanong sa kanya. 

Kunot ang noo niya. "Nakita lang kita kaya nilapitan kita. Napaka assuming mo rin no?" Nagulat ako dahil sa inasta niya. 

Ngumiti ito ng makita niya ang camera na nakasabit sa aking leeg. "Do you want to be a photographer?" tanong niya sakin. 

Umiling ako at tinalikuran siya. Sinundan niya ako at sumabay sa paglalakad ko. "You know what. Napakaswerte mo dahil may kaya kayo kaya alam kong matutupad mo ang gusto mo sa buhay." Tumigil ako sa paglalakad kaya tumigil din siya. 

"Not because you have money you can get everything, money is not the answer to everything to prosper."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to say that."

"Sanay na ako." Nagsimula muli ako sa paglalakad.

"Do you want some coffee?" tanong niya sakin kaya napatingin ako sa kanya. 

I found myself sitting over a vintage coffee with Jazure. I don't even know why I agreed with her. She sat down and put down the coffee we had ordered. She handed me my coffee so I took it. The two of us just kept quiet.

"Aren’t you afraid of me?" She stopped for a moment and looked at me. 

"Ba't naman ako matatakot sayo? Diyos ka ba?"

"I mean everyone avoids me because I always carry a mess."

Ngumiti siya sakin at nagsalita, "That's not reason enough for them to fear you. Even though you have made many mistakes in life, I know you have done good that everyone can't see."

"I don't think so."

"It’s better to be honest with people than to hide your stench," she told me.

"As long as a person is alive, there is still hope to correct his mistakes. I want you to make the most of what you want in life because life is so short we don’t know when we will be lost in this world tomorrow."

The world is so chaotic, everywhere you look you will see pure fighting. I see myself in the middle of it, I can't escape the world I entered, maybe there's no way for me to escape.

I don’t clearly see myself in my future. I want to be a photographer but it’s very unlikely that will happen because of the many barriers. I really want to see myself looking up at my own captured photos.

I want to have a gallery where you can see the photos I took, things, places, people. I want everyone to see how beautiful every corner of the world is no matter how small or big.

I've been doing photography for a few years. I even secretly participate in contests and sometimes I win, but all the awards I get I keep in a place where dad can’t see.

Why do I have to hide what really makes me happy? I wanted to shout it to the whole world but I couldn’t. I am brave but deep inside I'm weak.

Everyone has a weakness, we can't avoid it. I’m tired of pretending to be brave in everyone’s eyes. 

Others say you can escape the world to find what makes you happy but how can you escape if you are chained to the past where people know you as evil.

"Malapit kana palang mag college. I'm sure that your mom is proud of you," nakangiting sabi ni lolo sa akin. Bumisita si lolo dito sa bahay namin para kamustahin kami ni daddy.