TEN SECONDS , The Kenny Ackerman Story BOOK ONE~ ORIGINS ,by Melly O'Hara

ILLUSIONS

His eyes were tryin' ta hold back the tears, as his lips wobbled an' his whole body shook. He didn' even try ta answer me; jus' stood there tryin' ta look brave.

"Well,' Jones', then I guess, we do understand each other after all. Good. Now, here's what's gonna happen from now on. I'm goin' ta send some o' my boys 'round this area, an' they'll be my eyes an' ears, jus' ta make sure that you're keepin' your end o' the bargin an' that Olympia ain't workin'. Then, an' every month you'll get a personal visit from either them or me an' they'll check everythin' out an' you'll get your cut. Now, that sound good ta ya, Jones? Sounds good ta me," I smiled, my wide, soft smile.

His head nodded slowly, an' walkin' taward the door, I removed my hat in a mock salute an' said, "Be seein' ya Jones."

I left ' Jones's' shit-hole, feelin' good, knowin' that Kenny the Ripper were back, an' the hole that had been been created inside a me were gone. Shit.... It were power, not THE power, the Ackerman power (though that helped me achieve power), but jus' POWER. That were the only thin' that mattered, the only thin' that made this crappy, veil o' tears worth livin'. It don' matter that Kuchel were a whore, pregnant an' despised me. What mattered were that I did somethin'! Because o' me, she wouldn' be workin' or at least, wouldn' HAVE ta work. Because o' me that ass-wipe 'Jones' were standin' in a puddle o' his own piss, scared ta put a foot wrong, case I made good on my threat. That were power! Because o' me crowds moved ta let me an' my boys through the Underground. Because I ran it. People feared me, an' people did what I wanted, when I wanted it done...Because I were Kenny the Ripper, Ackerman.

An' that's when l knew it were time for me ta spread my wings an' start takin' over the underworld in Mitras – wipe out them bosses one by one, 'til all that was left was a whole lotta yes men an' a void that l could jus' walk in an fill.

'Course everyone down here knew my rep, but the rumours of my last months in the Underground, the killin' o' the Military Police that had guarded ol' Grandpa, as well as my boss' disappearance, had filted up ta the surface, an' l began ta hear that them in Mitras was whisperin' o' Kenny the Ripper. With my rep, Silver Lady an' my God given power; l 'd rule Mitras an' kill anyone that got in my way.''

I turned to Jas and said, " I really believed that you know Jas, part o' me still does. It, power, jus' makes everythin' so much betta. I've seen them that don' have it, Hell, I've been one o' them that don' have it, an' their lives are a misery. They jus' live accordin' ta the whims o' them in charge – no say in their own lives. It's a sad, pathetic, usless existence, Jas. An' I never want ta go back ta that, where someone else dictates MY life."

"But isn't that, the power, just an illusion, Kenny?" she asked, lookin' at me her eyes probin' and questionin'. " I mean, sure you can kill, bully and bribe to get your own way, and the things you want, but in the end; what does it get you really? You have a temporary high, where the fear is kept at bay as well as anything else you don't want to feel, but then it wears off and you've got to do it all over again to squash down what's inside you. That's not power Kenny. That's slavery. You're a slave to your own need not to feel", she finished, gently.

"And the irony is that it only works for so long, and not only do you give up the hurt and the emptiness, but , you also have to give up the good things; happiness, wisdom, love," she continued.

"So, how much HAVE you given up, Kenny?"

I were speechless. How could she talk that way ta me, ta Kenny Ackerman! But to her I weren' Kenny Ackerman. To her I were her friend, her kindred soul. And ta me, she were the kindest, wisest, mos' trustworthy person I had ever known. If she asked me this it were only 'cause she cared, not 'cause she were playin' an angle or tryin' ta bring me down. In fact, she wanted the opposite.