back to you | paul atreides

twenty seven

I had never doubted my visions, and as much as I wanted to doubt this one I already knew the certainty of it. There was no doubt in my mind that Lia was pregnant, but every part of me wished she wasn't. Not with another man.

The feelings I had been ruminating over my childhood friend finally resurfaced. I had already made sense of my admiration and endearment for her, but this information made those feelings much too hard to bear. I couldn't handle it. Knowing she was sharing such an intimate part of herself with someone else broke something else inside me when I thought she had already broken it all.

I wanted to hate her. I wished I hated her. But sadly I knew I didn't, I never could. Not Lia. Not ever.

Despite it all, I missed her. Instinctively I reached down to my bracelet, the only thing reminding me she was still alive and out there somewhere. I wondered where she was. What she was doing? Was she still with that Harkonnen even after he had destroyed our home? She wouldn't, I told myself. She was loyal, Lia would never forgive someone for hurting her family. Not unless he fed her lies, convinced her we were evil. The thought worried me. I prayed that wouldn't be the case.

I made an attempt at sleep but it never came. That morning I knew my mother sensed I had been awake, but thankfully she didn't bring attention to it. I didn't want to talk about what I saw last night in my dream.

"Eat it, Paul Muad'Dib."

I looked up to see a familiar pair of blue eyes handing me a spice-soaked leaf mixed with other lentils and nuts. I had been sitting against one of the rocks alongside the other members of the sietch. I looked around to see I was the only one not eating my breakfast. From across our circle my mother gave me a disproving look, suggesting I take the offering.

"Thank you, Chani." I muttered and accepted the food. She took the spot beside me, allowing her back to slide against the rock wall.

When I had first encountered Chani, I was caught completely off guard. It was the day I decided to take Lia to the desert, only for us to be cornered her friends. I remember I was too captured by Chani to process the threat her friends posed to us.

When I met Chani for the second time, I began to doubt my reality. She was the face that I saw every night in my dreams, I wasn't sure whether I was awake or asleep. The memory of those dreams brought back feelings of fear and loneliness. Those visions were the only thing I had ever kept from Lia, I was much too scared and embarrassed to admit my dreams of another woman. I saw no point in admitting them to her when I had yet to know what it meant.

To face the person who was at the centre of my dreams was both mystifying and terrifying, I didn't even know she was a real person. Despite that, Chani proved to be a good friend, though I had yet to understand what my dreams meant and why she was always in them.

Chani was the closest to my age of all the Fremen in our group. For that reason it felt much easier to connect with her than any of the others. In a way, being around Chani made it easier to forget about Lia. Chani felt like the only friend I had out here in the desert, she made the long days just a bit better.

"Did you already eat?" I asked her.

"Yeah," She nodded. "Are you not hungry?"

I looked down at my meal. "Not really." I admitted to her. "But I know I should eat it."

"You'll have no energy later if you don't," She told me in a warning tone. "You need as much energy as you can for the day to conserve as much water possible."

I nodded in understanding before I bit into the leaf. The taste was nothing unlike cinnamon, and it's smell and texture was a sense I had gotten used to during my time on Arrakis. I was able to eat the rest of it quickly.