Christmas poop harmonic barbie article
MY ORIGINAL UNCENSORED DRAFT:
It is December, the Christmas month! I have tests and stress, but I don't care because I'm merry and hallucination this month! Oops, what a typo! I meant 'happy' not hallucination. But maybe happiness during A Levels is a hallucination.
Today, I watched and reviewed Barbie: A Perfect Christmas. Let us begin from the beginning, the Big Bang. Just kidding, the beginning isn't the Big Bang (who believes in that!), it's Genesis 1:1 'In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth'. Just kidding again, I'm not trying to do 'edgy' religious comedy! I am the center of the universe. The world revolves around me. The real beginning is what I did today!
The day began as all weekends do: at 12:37 pm, when I dragged my corpse out of bed after waking up just in time from a dream where I had to run to the school toilet in a rush because I was about to pee myself. I immediately went to my Christmas Studying Advent Calendar for some festive studying fun!
It says: Take the exercise book, textbook, or folder of the subject you dislike the most. Wrap it up. Now give it away.
I joyfully wrap up my [REDACTED] folder and gift it to the atmosphere by combusting the paper. Never again will I need to think of electrophilic addition mechanisms. I will substitute free radical substitution with Christmas joy! Is this a clue as to whether I dislike [REDACTED]? We'll never know. (Don't show this to my chemistry teacher; I think she is a very good teacher.)
I contemplate testing my memory by revising for one of my three tests next week, but decide against it. I instead test my memory skills by reciting the lyrics of Taylor Swift's lyrical masterpiece, Christmas Must Be Something More from The Taylor Swift Holiday Collection (2008). I practice the country accent as well. If you are confused about what's going on in this article, there is also a Taylor Swift Holiday Collection ranking in this issue so you can read that first to calm down your brain's confusion! Then come back and read this later. Or not. I have feelings made of mistletoe and holly, they won't be hurt! Actually this is a lie, later in the article they are very hurt.
After miscellaneous procrastination and actual work throughout the day, I then (finally) begin watching Barbie: A Perfect Christmas during lunch. Since it is my birthday weekend, the mothership must obey the Barbie whims of her demon spawn. Family fun!
I sit down on my little baby rocking chair, which I regularly still use for sitting. It is a bit difficult, since I am wearing my winter bear suit on top of my regular clothes in order to keep warm. Disappointingly, it is actually a big furry brown pants and a big furry brown jumper not a real bear suit. I begin to watch Barbie: A Perfect Christmas and this 'article' finally actually becomes about its title, after 500ish words.
+ watching experience
Once my eyeballs have fully melted in Barbie bliss, I sit down to compile my thoughts into a coherent review. I have already written one overly long Barbie article that nobody read but me so I intend to make this article much more friendly to non-Barbie fans by making it into this. As in, a strange piece of 'comedy' that I personally find very funny but I am not so sure if others will. I am very sure that I do not care at all though. I love writing 'funnily' too much and the deterioration of this 'magazine' means there are no editorial standards and I have full 'creative' freedom to write whatever nonsense I can poop out. If you managed to read that previous sentence, that means it's true. Yay!
+ some actual reviewing
Halfway through writing this article I remember that it is (meant to be) about music at least partially so I try desperately to recall some GCSE terms.
YOU ARE READING
My Funny Diary
HumorIf you find me funny, reading this will be so fun! So funny! If you do not find me funny, I hate you. Why do you have to hurt my feelings like this? Cover made by me!
