What the hell did I do?

Goodbye (Lucas's pov)

I woke up extra early this morning for school. No, that was a lie. I barely slept last night after crying my eyes out silently. For the whole weekend, I was a mess. Ever since Manon was back from London, my roommates kicked me out of my room to make room for her. I had been sleeping on the couch in the living room. With me barely having personal space, I also couldn't cry too loudly or else they would hear me and they would ask questions. Whatever I was going through, I didn't want to talk about it with anyone, let alone let them know about whatever I was dealing with.

I spent most of the weekend researching for high schools outside of France. I called my dad in the middle of the night, which freaked him out, and even more so when I told him that I was quitting high school and moving. He was in Italy right now. After his split with mom, he's been traveling to different places and got a job in Italy. I spun a web of lies about how I needed a change of scenery and that there were some really good opportunities there. He agreed that I could live with him for a little while until I found an apartment myself. I had found some pretty great schools and now all I needed was to ask my school for my transcript and other necessary documents and notify them that I was leaving. Which was the only reason why I would be up this early in the morning.

As much as I wanted to get the hell out of here as soon as possible and start over, moving into a whole new country was no easy task. I arrived on campus so early that there were no students yet except for security and a few janitors here and there. There was no one in the office as well. I checked my watch. Great. I was twenty minutes earlier than my appointment. I pulled my hoodie over and waited on the bench, swinging my legs. I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes. My lack of sleep was definitely catching up to me. My phone dinged with a text from my mom. After I had sent her the cryptic text last night telling her that I wanted to meet up with her later to talk about something important, she finally replied. We agreed to have dinner together. It's been weeks since I met up with her, this was a good time to catch up as well. I was nervous about how she would react to this sudden news of me leaving the country. I needed to prepare a convincing reason and explanation. Maybe this was selfish and a bit extreme of me. To just suddenly up and decide to leave without consulting her but I want this. I wanted a fresh start to start over somewhere where no one knew me. Where I could be anyone I wanted. I needed this. I couldn't breathe here where everywhere and everything reminds me of him. I needed to escape.

A janitor who was cleaning in the hallway reached near my bench.

He smiled at me. "Rough morning?"

I shrugged. "More like a rough week. Does it show?"

He smiled at me sympathetically. "Whatever it is, it'll be alright, you know."

"I hope so. I really hope so." I murmured.

He nodded and move on. I sighed and check my phone again. It was finally time for my appointment.
~
Of course, the principal wasn't happy hearing my news about me leaving the school. He tried to persuade and convince me to stay but I told him his efforts would be futile and he should save his energy, which he wasn't happy about but he finally stopped.

The whole day I pretended like everything was fine. It was by far one of the hardest things I had to do. I apologized to my friends after unintentionally exploding at them at the party last week, and everything was cool again, at least with them. I haven't seen Eliott all day, but I didn't want to see him, because I didn't trust myself around him. There was no telling what I would say or do.

I counted the minutes until school was over and practically rushed out of the building. The whole day was torturous. The sooner I leave this school and the country, the better. Everything was a reminder of him. Everything hurts. When will this pain be gone?

I had already packed most of my stuff over the weekend and when any of my roommates ask, I told them that I was going to be moving out soon and that they would need to find a new roommate. Or maybe not since I had to sleep on the couch anyway.

That evening I met with my mom at a restaurant. It was most likely the last time I'll see her in a long while so it was hard and I made sure every minute counted. I couldn't tell her the real reason I wanted to leave. It was something I could never talk about with anyone but in the end, she understood. She thinks maybe it would be a good thing to spend time with my father as well since I haven't seen him in a long time. 

"If you think this is the best decision for you, then go for it," she said as she squeezed my hand.

"Thank you for understanding, mom. I think this will be a really good change for me. And you can come to visit me anytime."

That night as I lie in bed. My mind swirled. Is it though? I wondered. Is this what I really want? Am I making the right decision? Maybe I should just face him instead of moving to a whole new country. But I couldn't stay. I wasn't brave enough and I didn't want to see him again.

I picked up my phone on the nightstand beside me. With shaking fingers, I clicked my messages with Eliott and read the words over and over again about him telling me that maybe it was going too fast between us and that he needed time. Time my ass. That was just a few days before I saw him with his tongue in his ex's Lucille's mouth at the party. I don't need to hurt myself anymore. I swallowed and blocked his contact. I wasn't going to let him hurt me anymore. I wasn't going to let anyone hurt me ever again.