He Wanted To Come Home pt.1

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Warning: suicidal thoughts, actions, and attempt as well as self harm

The rain was cold, drenching him from head to toe and chilling him to the bone.

But he didn't mind the chill.

Sure, it made him tremble like a shaking leaf and made him want to run back inside the school where he knew it would be dry and warm….but the comfort of knowing everything would be over soon left him rooted in his position behind the chain-linked fence.

Yes, there was warmth and safety from the storm inside the school, but that was about all there was. There wasn't anyone in there who cared about him or even somewhat liked him for that matter. There were only people who stared at him with nothing but disgust, hatred, and fear.

He supposed he brought that on himself though.

He was really good at getting people to hate him. He was really good at pushing them away.

Even Seraphina.

The girl he cared about more than anything.

He had pushed her away too.

Deep down, he didn't want her to leave. He needed her to go on when he had nothing else giving him a reason to live.

He needed a light in his life and she was that light.

But yet, he had snuffed out that light.

In the end, he succeeded with something he didn't really want, and his light left him in that classroom that day, her pain-filled teary blue eyes forever engraved in his mind.

The ravenette clenched his teeth from where he stood on the roof.

Things were always doomed to turn out this way, weren't they?

The ones he cared about most would always leave him because he was too much for them.

Too much out of their control.

Too much of a hypocrite.

Too much of a monster.

Yea…a monster.

He had tried so hard not to be one, to be a better person and solve issues without hurting anyone.

It wasn't really a surprise that he failed.

Because that's what he was, wasn't he?

He was a late bloomer, the literal definition of failure and he proved that definition to be true over and over again.

Ironic wasn't it? The only thing he actually succeeded at was failing.

The teen chuckled humorlessly to himself, gripping the knife he held in his hand harder as raindrops washed a certain crimson liquid off the silver blade.

He had started carrying a blade in his pocket with him to school. He couldn't go the day without it.

He needed to feel something other than the overwhelming emotional pain that threatened to consume him whole every time he walked through the crowded halls of the school, or every time he saw the royals, or every time he saw the girl he cared for most.

It hurt so much hearing everyone whisper about him. It hurt so much watching as the royals moved forward with plans for a better and safer school, continuing to glare at him with disgust whenever they saw him. And it hurt even more when he saw Seraphina with Arlo.

The physical pain of the knife against his bare skin, drawing blood and leaving him with a sharp stinging sensation relaxed him in the moment. He may have been hurting himself, but it felt so good. It felt so relaxing. It felt like he was in control for once.

Who cared if he was injuring himself anyways?

If anything, people would be exhilarated to know he was inflicting pain on himself because they knew as much as he did that he deserved it.

He deserved the pain that they all felt.

In that case, they would be even more ecstatic to know that he would soon no longer be alive.

John let a sob escape his lips as he remembered the pain shining in Seraphina's eyes the day that they had fought, his tears blending in with the rainwater already drenching his face.

Why did everything have to hurt so much?

Why was it him that was always destined to be in so much pain?

Oh wait….he had brought this all on himself.

But that was ok.

The boy dropped his blade, the clang of the weapon making contact with the ground being drowned out by the downpour.

This was it.

He was ending everyone's suffering, even his own.

He was ending the monster.

Smiling through his tears, John laced his fingers through the silver chain-linked fence blocking his way to freedom.

Everyone would finally be at peace without him.

Arlo could take back the King title and re-establish peace and order within the school.

Remi could run her Safe House without worrying about him terrorizing it.

Blyke could return to the Jack position with Arlo as the King and not have to constantly be worrying about his friends.

Isen could return back to the press team, whether he wanted the lead position or not, and would no longer live his life in constant fear.

His dad would no longer have to worry about his worthless disappointment of a son.

And Seraphina…..she could finally find true happiness, something he couldn't give her when she deserved it all. She would no longer have to spend her days worrying about him and she could find a true friend to light up her world when he had only brought her darkness. She didn't deserve that.

He had brought so much pain to Wellston, and now in his final act as King he was ending it.

Finally reaching the top of the fence, he twisted around so that he was facing towards the door that led up to the rooftop.

It was time.

The rain was slowly coming to a stop, the dark storm clouds parting to allow the bright sun to peek through and bathe his soaked form in its warm rays of light.

John's tears suddenly came to a stop, his mind buzzing chaotically with memories both good and bad in his final moments.

He suddenly remembered a quote he had heard not too long ago in a video he was watching to pass the time.

"People who commit suicide are just angels who want to come home."

He wanted to come home.

Even if he was far from being an angel.

Smiling for the first time in a long time, the ravenette felt relief lulling him into a state of peace as he leaned backwards and felt himself beginning to fall.

He definitely didn't expect the roof door to swing open and see a magenta-haired girl step into view.

His golden eyes met her widened blue ones for only a second before all he could see was the cloudy sky above him.

He heard footsteps slamming against the pavement, her loud panicked scream ringing across his ears as the rushing air whistled around him.

"Goodbye." He whispered, closing his eyes as a final single tear trailed down his cheek before his entire consciousness was abruptly cut off and he knew nothing more.

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Angst because I need to vent my sadness somewhere.

There wasn't much Jera in this chapter but I can promise there will be in part 2 😌

Have a great day/night :D

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