OFF LIMITS

March 15th

I

How could I forget?

How could I forget the day that I lost almost everything?

The answer is simple. I couldn't. I still can't get rid of the memories, no matter how hard I try, because nothing makes sense. Things just don't add up.

It was a rather warm and sunny day, for the middle of March. Even so, Mom made Shadow and I grab a light jacket. Shad, being the ever-so-obedient twin, anticipated mom's request and had already grabbed his sweater. I, the ever so rebellious twin, had to trudge back into the house to grab my blue windbreaker jacket.

Huffing and puffing and muttering a few choice words under my breath, I nearly lose it all as I trip on my stupid laces. Even more aggravated, I don't pay any mind to my untied laces and continue to make my way back outside.

Looking back, it seems so childish to be complaining about jackets and shoelaces, but that may have just been the very thing that kept me alive. In hindsight, this is the moment that foreshadowed the cataclysmic shift, shattering my life as I knew it.

At 10am sharp, mom, dad, Shadow, and I finally left for the airfield. BHU or Banks Hollow University is a world renowned college. They are equipped with all the state-of-the-art equipment. If you can think of it, they either patented it or invented it.

My mom was a part of their Science Division. She was an adjunct professor and split her time between BHU and her global network field in biotechnology. She spent most of her time either at her lab or traveling. Little was left for us at home.

On this particular day, we were heading to the airfield located at BHU. Mom was joining some fellow professors and biotech academics for an exploratory mission on an inhabited Polynesian island. Shadow and dad were eager to see mom off as this was a two month long expedition. I, on the other hand, was only there for obligatory reasons; also known as dad forcing me to go.

***

I am pulled from my wandering thoughts as dad screeches to a halt. Traffic heading towards the BHU back entrance is at a turtle's pace. Security, already uptight, has buffed up it's measures exponentially. Eventually it's our turn, and Toddin, the head security guard, is there to greet us with a brutish face and no nonsense attitude.

"I.D'S", he grunts, while holding out an impatient hand.

"Hello, Toddin, nice to see you. How's the family?, mom politely asks while handing him all our state issued ID's.

"Just fine, Dr. Daniels.", is all he says while walking towards the guard station to scan and print our BHU issued i.d. Another guard comes to each of our windows, taking our thumbprint for further identification.

After what feels like an eternity, we are finally cleared to enter. I can't help but wonder what's gotten BHU security so rattled. Mom has mentioned that a few of her colleagues have gotten minor contracts with the Department of Defense, but nothing major. I'm about to ask her, but I'm cut off by Toddin's radio. Much of it is static, but I hear a guard yell, "Code 319! Code 319! Back-up is required at the East Wing. All available units respond immediately."

In the back window mirror, I see Toddin scramble to a nearby SUV with other guards following suit. As I turn back around, I can't help but notice the concerned look on my mother's face. She catches my eye and quickly brushes it off by giving me a reassuring smile.

Dad finally parks the car. We all pile out, mom grabbing her small carry-on, before heading towards the airfield.

From an aerial standpoint, the runways are made up of three long strips of road. They cross at three points, matching the numerical shape of the number four. We take our seats in the front center of the massive field, facing the widest strip of the runway.

To my left, security is abuzz, checking ID's of incoming staff, guests, and prominent journalists who are greedily eyeing all the newly patented inventions on display.

There is an edge in the atmosphere, almost an anticipation of what's to come. I turn to my right, leaning slightly to whisper my suspicions to Shadow, but I am cut off before I can begin.

"Distinguished guests, news anchors, BHU professors, and their families, we welcome you to Banks Hollow University, home of the greatest minds of our ever so bright future. It is a pleasure to host such an extraordinary event. We would like to extend our deepest thanks to our generous alumni who made this possible...", says BHU President Gio, as he begins a rather monotonous briefing to today's send out.

Twenty minutes later, President Gio has finally finished droning on and the send-off begins. "All boarding passengers, you have 10 minutes to get to the boarding gate. Pre-flight checks will be conducted shortly after. Take this time to gather your belongings and say your good-byes. Please do not be tardy!"

Mom, usually quick on her feet, seems lost in thought. Dad taps her shoulder gently, as if to wake her from a deep slumber. Slowly, she comes to, wiping the dazed look from her face. She stands and turns to dad, enveloping him in a deep embrace. Next, Shadow quickly throws his arms around mom, squeezing her tight, before quickly letting go. I peep a shy blush creeping up his neck, but he hides it with his hoodie.

Last is me. We look at each other for what feels like minutes, but what only is a few seconds. I break eye contact first, choosing to stare at my scuffed Docs. "Safe travels, mom.", I mumble softly, not daring to look up to her so she won't see the tears daring to cascade down my face.

Mom steps closer and carefully grabs my chin, forcing me to look at her. She pulls me in for an embrace, which I surprisingly return. Before letting go, she quickly whispers in my ear, "Please remember, I did this for you and your brother. I love you, Shailoh."

A flutter of emotions, confusion mixed with warmth, tumble around in my head. But, before I can utter anything back, the moment dissipates. Mom has already let go of the hug and has quickly begun boarding the plane in one swift motion. She doesn't turn around and she doesn't look back, but I can tell from the hunch in her shoulders and the drag in her feet, she doesn't want to go.

I think about this moment a lot. A lot of what-ifs enter my mind.

What if I stopped her?

What if I said don't go?

What if I said I love you too?

What if she never boarded that plane?

What if I could have changed her mind?

I can't help but wonder about what-ifs, because what-if that could have saved her.

Would she still be alive?