ataraxia, lorenzo berkshire

"twenty one"

"hey," theo spoke gently with a worried tone, as he walked over to join me at the lip of the bathtub, his hands buried in his jean pockets.

"we don't have to do this, you know?" he spoke again, he obviously seemed worried that i wasn't comfortable anymore with our plan.

and i was uncomfortable.

not about sleeping with him, but with the realisation that i was willing to sleep with one of my best friends just to bite back at a boy.

a boy? are you serious val?

ironic, since you always preach about how much you despise men.

"am i trying to hard, theo?" i changed the subject, however this question was more personal than i premeditated, for it sounded as if i was questioning myself if i hadn't added his name on the end.

the air became thick, thick enough i swore i began to feel my oesophagus lining collapse, hot air spilling into my lungs as my chest felt heavier than it ever felt before.

i turned my head upwards from my lap to look up at him beside me, his head was dipped down, toying with the emblem ring on his index finger as he evaluated an answer to my half-rhetorical hopeless question.

"well," he cleared his throat, brushing one of his chestnut curls out of his face, "you want to give enzo a taste of his own medicine, don't you? he's been tormenting you for months because he thinks it's funny."

i nodded slowly, theo seemed to actually understand why i composed this plan, which was a surprised since i thought he was only in it for the sex, as most hormonal teenage boys would be.

i'm sorry my standards were so low when it came to you theodore.

"do you actually know why he targets you? have you guys gone through some shit that made him have a vendetta against you?" he asked, tilting his slender frame towards me as he spoke.

i shrugged.

"we kissed once in year five but that didn't mean anything, it was a game of spin the bottle and he was obsessed with lucille at the time." i explained, for this incident was the only thing i could think of post-lorenzo-being-an-asshole.

but theo did bring up a good point.

why was he primarily doing things to piss me off?

"that's.. odd." he muttered softly, his hand supporting his chin as he thought deeply, sympathetic for his friend who's experienced nothing but mockery from lorenzo, who seemed to be enjoying every second of it.

lorenzo wasn't a bully.

he just liked to test peoples limits, see how far he could get before you'd shatter under his presence, the result of his actions.

it was like fuel to his fire, when people reacted to him.

for example, when he'd get multiple boyfriends knocking at his dormitory door asking why their girlfriends had his initials carved into their shoulder or thigh.

ruthless.

bold, lorenzo berkshire, bold.

"i just want to show him that making out with everything that moves in front of me won't have an effect on me, and that i can play that exact same game." i admitted, sighing deeply as i came to terms with the now pathetic excuse which was simply childish, when i could've done the mature, morally correct way of simply ignoring him, in the hopes he'd get bored and back down.