"Binary Code" (GASA4 Cashier x Reader Sequel) [COMPLETED]

Chapter 6.

(TW: contains suicide attempt and dissociation)

Even if it had been exactly five years since Cashier had left the town for good, he still knew his way around the streets, coming back in a matter of a half hour. He noticed familiar distorted streets and something else- the trees. The trees that now seemed to be covered in white, acting as snow. Other snow fell from the sky as he came closer to the little area he yearned for, only knowing it long ago. Everything was- depressing. Everything had- changed. He walked past the cones that were still there and had iced over to see his old store. It sat there, abandoned and pitiful. A reminder for everyone who lived there to know what happened and as a memory for what was lost. 

He felt his feet crunch in the snow as he walked closer, staring in disbelief at his store. How it was still there. How it had been five years and everything was almost the same, as if time stood still. At least for the store. Everyone else was a different story. He came a foot away from the wall of the store and touched the icy brick wall, pavement running dup and down his fingers like they used to do when he'd be out fort a smoke break. He flinched at the memory. As soon as it came, he snapped himself out of his daze and turned his head down the street where the houses were before race walking as quick as he could down the street, awaiting your face.

And he made it. After so long, he made it. He was standing at your doorstep, hesitating to knock as snowflakes collected in his hair. He didn't know how you'd react. Would you shun him? Would you embrace him in your arms like you used to do? God, how he missed your hugs. He missed everything about you and felt a lurch in his throat as he sighed and let out a hardy knock on your door before he then heard scuffling from the inside. The door opened and you stood there, dumbfounded and wide-eyed, looking the man up and down making sure this wasn't a dream.

"C-Cashier?" You spoke softly, unable to collect yourself long enough to form a full sentence.

"Uh- heya, (Reader)." Cashier waved for a moment. You still stood there, unable to move as the cold air blew in your face, making you shiver and shook your head, clearing you mind. Without thinking, you hugged him starting to cry and he hugged you back, patting you on the back and shushing you and smiling. You shooed him inside and had him sit down on your couch as you grabbed a blanket for him. As you sat down right next to him, a familiar smell filled you and you turned to him.

"Still smoking?" You asked to which he looked away and nodded slightly. You sighed and started to cry. You quickly composed yourself and sighed once more.

 "How are you feeling?" Right, the daily check-ins you missed. 

"Depression?" You asked. Cashier held up a zero.

"Anxiety?" Cashier held up a ten.

"Irritation?" Cashier held up an eight.

"Want to talk about those high numbers?" Cashier shrugged.

"Anxiety for finally seeing you after all these years and- irritability because I need a hit." Cashier stated in shame. You cupped your hands to your mouth and shut your eyes, wanting this to all be a dream. You couldn't handle it. You just couldn't You seemed to keep everything in for so long. You lashed out.

"No! You leave me for God knows how long after I try to help you and you still haven't been able to help yourself? Fuck! Cashier- please. You're killing me! I'm so tired of this. We could've talked about it! I could've helped you work through it- but instead you decide to run away from all your problems and not even fix them? You've ruined it, Cashier. Ruined, ruined, ruined!" You stated out in a choked sob. As Cashier got more fearful, not seeing you ever like this before, he suddenly shot up. He looked around to find he was in his bed. He felt his sheets beneath his finger tips and broke out into a cold sweat.
~~
How much of it was a dream? He couldn't differentiate between reality and his dream but seeing as how he was still in his city home, he likely hadn't gone to your house let alone left the city. He shook violently and began to cry once again. He couldn't do it, he had to do it but he couldn't He screamed out as loud as he could and he pounded his head against his fists.

"I'm sorry! Fuck! I'm so fucking sorry, (Reader)! I've failed you. I've- I can't go back now! You're right! I can't just run away from my problems and expect it to not effect others. I'm so selfish! Fuck!" Cashier sobbed and screamed out. He was a mess and looked around, starting to feel as if the world was made of cardboard and nothing more.

"And none of this is real! Are you even real, (Reader)? Am I?" He stood up out of bed and he frantically looked around, trying to make sense of it all. He was simply just living in a game that could collapse at any moment to his knowledge and was anyone other than Dummy or you aware of it? Was the diner lady? He didn't know. He felt like he needed to tell someone, but who? Certainly not you. Not after that- nightmare. and certainly not Dummy who'd probably call you a chicken-shit for leaving too. God damn, he needed some sense talked into him but nobody was there to listen, He was paralyzed with his internal thoughts, unable to escape them as they grew louder, feeling as if they'd cr5ack his skull open just pondering his dread.

He ran to his bathroom and looked at himself in the mirror, feeling his eyes distort from one another with each given second. he tried his best to piece them back together but simply couldn't as everything grew foggy. Was he even here still on the earth he knew? It didn't feel like it, certainly. He had to make it stop, he had to end it. He had to do something.

And he carried out his resolution.

Standing out at his window, looking down at the pavement below, he held on ever so tightly to the window frame. He then looked up at the night sky and he stared up at the stars, wanting to make a final wish dedicated to you. That you'd be much happier without him, after he followed through with his actions and how he hoped you'd be able to find someone new to care about, to love to dearly. To check-up on. And to embrace in your arms and never let go.

With a final breath, he let go and felt the cold brisk air kick into play as he began to fall towards the ground, out from his window and down a few stories below. As he fell, he felt his life suddenly flash before himself as he remembered meeting you for the first time and how Player would always walk in and how Dummy told him to quit and just how he couldn't stop. Not even for you. He felt so guilty but found comfort in the fact he'd find a way out. Even if he himself found it a pitiful attempt to yet again, run away from all his problems. He hit the ground.