Melancholy

27| You just have to make this so damn hard

"We're here." His voice isn't as happy as it used to be, it seemed more sad and even defeated. My chest deflated and all I can manage is a small yes. It was only then that I looked up to see where we were. It seemed to be a field that went on for miles. It was a calming and relaxing atmosphere. My line of vision follows dad who had taken a blanket and the car placing it down on the ground.

I sit down a little distance between us as if this moment couldn't get any more awkward. It was as if we were strangers meeting for the first time. I hated it. I hated not having a strong bond with my father. I hated knowing that this distance between us was my fault.

"I'm sorry." I mumble quietly under my breath. Though in the silence of the air he hears me.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He answers shortly, still not easing the guilt that was consuming me whole. He looks out into the distance at a beautiful sunset in front of us.

"Dad. I really am sorry. For pushing you away. For saying those awful things to you that day after school. For yelling at Alec. For getting scared by my own grandfather. For literally everything." This time I look at him, my eyes showing the guilt that I was feeling which doesn't go unnoticed by him as he sighs and shakes his head.

"I would never hold that against you. I get that you were going through a hard time and probably still are. I didn't care that you did those things. But I wish that you trusted me enough to talk to me about it."

"I'm sorry for that as well." This time he lets out a sad laugh making me frown.

"You're more like your mother than I thought. She always apologized for everything even if she did nothing wrong."

"Can you tell me about her?" My voice was unsure not knowing if I had crossed the line.

"I would love to." He smiles gently. "She was the most beautiful person you would have ever seen. She had stunning honey eyes that would shine in the sun. Hair that was as soft as silk. And a smile that could make the whole world flip. But that wasn't the only thing that I fell for. It was the beauty in her heart. Camilla had a heart of gold. She was kind to everyone. She was the best wife I could have asked for and an amazing mother to our children."

"Still she was a complete badass. If only you see how she did with guns. Her aim was probably even better than mine. The mafia praised her since she was the mafia queen. There was a way she held herself. With confidence that demands respect. She was the woman that to this day I will only ever love." He seemed to be reminiscing in a memory as a smile graces his lips, a small tear falling down but he's quick to wipe it away. He clears his throat, straightening up as if snapping out of a daze.

"I wish I got to know her. I hate that I can't remember. It's just not there. The only thing I remember is that her favorite color is purple. I literally can't remember a single goddamn thing." I groan into my hands.

"Principessa. It's okay. It's not your fault. You can't change the fact that you were taken at such a young age. Your mother would be happy to have your back. And I know she was up there crying for you when she knew what you went through. But she loves the women that you have become. A strong, brave, beautiful, smart, and a badass." We both laugh quietly at the end.

"Now that I've answered your question can I ask one of my own?" I nod my head as the sun starts to fully set the sky becoming darker.

"What is in that box? And why did it make you cry?"

"I didn't cry."

"Arabella. I'm not an idiot. I saw your red eyes. If you really don't want to talk about it, it's fine." I can hear the defeat in his voice.