it gets better right?

life is shitty

I cry and cry again I'm only 6 I see my mother hit me for the first time.."what did I do" I think over and over with my mother's breath that reeks of Alcohol and cigarettes yelling in my face I can hear my siblings fighting with my mom I don't understand but I run to my room I hide under my sheets until I fall asleep this goes on and on until I'm just used to it I'm 8 years old now and I walk into the living room to my mom passed out on the couch and some random man in the kitchen I'm confused and try to wake up my mom she doesn't wake up she is to drunk to even acknowledge me I go into my sister's room to see she left to her friends house I feel so alone so scared and I feel I'm losing control over my life after that point I fall into a depression I can't seem to get out of. my mom is never there and my siblings are always gone to escape this hell hold except me I have no one to go to I'm the freak at school soon after that is when I start self harming it's a addiction just like drugs I can't stop it just helps me but also makes me worse when I turn 9 shit goes bad my dad is starting to gain custody it's good right?.. wrong my mom starts getting more aggressive she hits my sister punches my brother when she trys to hit me my sister and brother stop her they take the hit I feel so bad I want to die mabye they will feel better if I'm not here on attempt turns into another and another I can't stop why won't it work why is God doing this to me? I'm 10 now and out of my mother's grasp its better now but not for long I'm still depressed and have no motivation my parents think I'm just fine but in reality I'm dying inside I try to cover my arms but it doesn't work my dad screams yells and threatens me my step mom trys to calm me down but in reality is just trying to get more information on why I did this they don't care no body does why why am I like this I wish I was perfect but I'm not and never will be i turn eleven my family is drifting away my family hates me I have nobody nobody at all I attempted again and they find out I have to talk to a therapist I'm not safe enough to go home am I? I'm gone into a hospital I feel crazy and I don't know what to do my whole life I've had a eating problem I always eat so much and now everyone is reminding me I'm out finally but at what cost? I have no phone no room no friends I'm falling into my old ways I can't stop my arms are red I can't breathe I hate it here then I finally meet this girl her name is Katie she is such a great friend and she knows how I feel she is just so comforting and kind every weekend it feels like we hangout. i love her but does she feel the same? I have so many insecurities nothing helps but it's fine I'm fine right? Nothing is getting better and my life is just a shitty pit were I can't get out...

this isn't even all that happened it's just to sum it up for everyone I just needed to get this of of my chest I hope you liked this story but also if you're going through this too I'm so sorry and I'm so proud of you for getting this far 😊🥰