keyed

windows

Hi, hello! Welcome to my window supply! No one ever actually comes in... But I'm so glad you're here! Would you like a tour of our inventory? Why, of course you do! Follow me right this way...

This right here is our fun and playful window of Self-Consciousness. If you look right through it... Wow! What a surprise! This window is truly no window at all, but similar to a funhouse mirror. If you'll notice, it changes and warps your reflection with every glance! You don't like this one? Yes, this item rather annoying for a lack of better vocabulary...

Ooh! Over here, this is one of our best selling items! This, my friend, is our best-selling window of Equality! It does resemble a chapel's window. It's very pretty to look at, and the stained glass adds such an affect to any room of the house. If you're looking for something functional, this window may not be the best fit... But it is very pretty!

Oh, you want to look over here? Haha, don't get ahead of yourself. This window, my friend, is not for sale. This is our stunning window of Confidence. I suppose it's false to call this 'window' stunning... Unique. That's the word. I promise you it used to be very clear and sturdy, but it is very fragile. After time we have wholeheartedly given up on restoring this window. It's a waste of time and money to put so much dedication into such a fragile article like this. Yes, those are scratches. Yes, that is blue painters' tape. It may not look nice, but I promise you it's quite functional! Well, at one point it was...

Crazy? What are you talking about; I'm not crazy.

Please, this way. Speaking of fragile windows, follow me and I will show you our prized window! This window is the superb, fantastic, heart-stopping window of Love! This window is very large, and allows in so much natural light I guarantee it will cut your bills in half! It may cost a rather lot to install, since it is so massive, but if you have the money and time I swear to you it will tie your home together magically! Oh, you live by a golf course? No, no, no, no... This window will not fit for you. It's extremely fragile and has a lot of space to be struck by a golf ball. And then is will shatter! Not only destroying the window but it will also affect your home! We only have a few of these in stock, so if it breaks it will completely go to waste! Hurry along now, if you keep staring at it you will become attached, and that can not be!

None of our windows intrigued you? What a shame, those were our best-sellers! No, please don't leave! Come back, I can show you the window of Perfection! Oops, I didn't mean to say that. Haha, slip of the tongue. I promise we don't have a window of Perfection here!

Fine, fine, it's this way... But please do not sue us.

Alright, here it is. The darned window of Perfection. It isn't really a window, it doesn't let any light in. I suppose it's more of a mirror than anything else. I don't understand why anyone would want it, all it does is trick you into thinking that there's nothing in the outside world besides you. It sure does a good job of tricking you into an infinite loop of some false idea of perfection.

Hello? Customer? Stop staring into that retched mirror and speak to me! Are you in some sort of trance?! Snap out of it!

Oh, rats. This happens every time. Look who's crazy now? You're the one caught hypnotized by your own reflection labeled 'Perfection', just like everyone else.