adolescents - mo (monroe) harris

1

It was a chilly Autumn night, approaching the early hours of the morning, as Anna sat on the curb in front of her dad's trailer with a duffle bag and a backpack on either of her arms. She was wearing plaid flannel pj pants and a big sweatshirt, the last moderately clean items she owned and neither warm enough to block the cold breeze coming in. She huddled into a ball, pulling her hood up and burying her hands deep in her sleeves. She was sat under a tree with orange leaves that shuddered in the wind, filtering funny shadows on the pavement in front of her from the nearest street light. She still clutched the front door key in her hand, not knowing if she should keep it or throw it in the gutter. She squeezed it and told herself to mind her impulses. She never knows if she will be back or not. With the countless times she's run off and surfed friends' couches, she always kept her key, knowing in the back of her mind she would end up here again. She knew this time was different, though, even if she secretly hoped it wasn't. Before she had something to return to, even if it was something she despised.

She lived with her father in this place since she was a child. He didn't care for her, nor her him. That was why she left so many times. He left his fair share of times, as well. They'd argue, one of them would leave for a week or two, come back, and repeat. She wondered if the reason she was here now was because she took for granted that she could always fall back on this place when she overstayed her welcome in someone's living room.

Anna heard the hum of an old car as it approached. She stood up and shouldered her bags, stepping out toward the slowing station wagon. It was her cousin, Zeke, coming to pick her up. She'd never called Zeke for help before. She didn't have that kind of relationship with him, or any of her family, but she knew he was living in their late grandmothers home about 45 minutes away and had an extra bed. She'd texted him at nearly 11pm with a vague request for a bed to sleep in for a few nights. She knew an hour and a half round trip to get her was asking a lot but she had nothing to pay an Uber or a cab.

"Hey." Zeke said as Anna got in the passenger seat and threw her bags in the back seat. His car was messy and smelled like marijuana and fast food.

"I'm sorry about this, I wouldn't have called you if I didn't have to." Anna said, focusing on keeping the tears threatening to fall at bay. Zeke turned the car around and started back down the road.

"Ah its nothin'. Your dad walk out again?" Zeke asked, glancing at her.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." She answered after a deep breath.

"I figured you'd be excited to have the place to yourself again for a while, what's up with that?" Zeke had such an odd way of communicating what he was thinking. He avoided emotion at all costs and that was always clearly displayed in how he approached things, as if nothing was serious and he was just waiting to give a punchline.

"I've had the place to myself for almost a month." Anna said quietly. Zeke sensed she wasn't matching his upbeat energy and didn't reply. Anna took that as her signal to explain further. "He turned off the utilities when he left, took all the money and the booze, too. That's how I knew he wasn't coming back. I've been showering and eating at school."

"Yo, wait. He like, really left for good?" Zeke pulled up to a stop sign and looked at her. She nodded, avoiding his gaze. She could tell he was trying to figure out a response.

"Damn." He said. So like him, as she expected. Anna almost appreciated his purposeful lack of depth sometimes, but he definitely was not the guy to go to when you need real emotional support. "Well I've got a sweet setup at grandma's, you'll be right at home. I don't know how you're gonna get to school, though, without a car and all that."

Anna sighed deeply, facing another reality she didn't want to accept.

"Well, if you were comfortable with me sticking around I could switch schools. I can contribute and take care of myself, Zeke, I'll work and I can cook or clean or whatever-" She began but was interrupted.

"Woah, calm down bro, it's fine." Zeke laughed. "Do what you need to do to keep your conscience clear but I won't mind having you around. As long as you need." Zeke said as he reached over and shook her shoulder.

"Thank you." Anna relaxed back into her seat as Zeke redirected his attention back to driving. She rested her head against the window and closed her eyes. She took a deep breath as Zeke turned the radio on. It felt like a weight was lifted off her shoulders and she could breathe again. It wasn't something she would talk about with anyone but the last month had been miserable for her. During the week she could at least have breakfast and lunch and take a shower at school, but the weekends were rough. Without electricity or water she couldn't even cook ramen noodles if she had them. Showing up to school on Mondays dirty and starving was embarrassing. She had mulled over the idea of asking Zeke for help and kept putting it off out of fear he'd say no. She knew that if she couldn't stay with him, her school social worker would report her situation and she would become a ward of the state.

You don't have to worry about that now. She reminded herself. She pulled herself from her thoughts as Zeke turned the radio down.

"You need, like, something to eat, or...?" Zeke looked at her with a goofy smile. "Cause I'm fucking starving."