Inversus

3

I was packing my bags in my room. He was at the lounge way before I have even arrived home.

He hadn't thought about coming to the room to talk to me, even if he did he wasn't planning on actually doint it. He looked pretty convinced that talking to me wouldn't solve anything, he was pretending to organize something at the table under the tv, which had a few dvd's and a few of my books. I wanted to go get them but he was taking to long leaving that area.

I decided I would come get them later.

I called my sister. She answered quickly. I started whispering.

"Hello", she said briefly. "Are you done with the packing?"

"Almost, but you can come. I'll be ready to go when you arrive."

"All right." I zipped my backpack. "Did he said anything else?"

"Not willing to. Honestly, I think it's better this way. We talk later about it. Not now."

"I get it. Finish packing. I'll be there in five."

"Deal." I hung up.

I looked at the door to make sure he wasn't spying on me. There were times when he used to be by the door while I was distracted talking on the phone so he could get informations that didn't exist. He was trying to look for inexistent proofs of something I haven't done.

I put on my shoes. My heart started racing as soon as I started thinking about crossing all the way over to the exit door right across the living room.

Took my three bags, one on my back, another one my shoulder and the last one had strollers so the only thing I had to do was pull.

Left the room being conscientious that I would miss the peace I found here in a period of my life where I couldn't find anywhere else. In other hand, I've struggled a lot. All these corners have good and bad memories that makes it even harder to move on from the emotional trauma.

At this point, I feel so hurt. Emotionally drained. Where's the exit to breathe?

He was still by the table under the tv. I looked at his back for a split second, afraid he would catch me looking at him.

"Alice", he said. My body kept moving to the door as if I was in a rush. "Alice", he insisted.

"What?" I answered in the hall.

"Won't you take your books?" I listened to him.

"No."

"When will you?"

"I won't take them now. That's the only thing you need to know."

I heard the bones of his feet, which means he stood up. Walked to the end of the hall and looked at me 2 meters away.

"Where are you going?"

"Why do you ask, Tom? What's the urge to worry now?"

"Where are you going to sleep? Do you even have a place to stay the night?"

"Don't worry 'bout me. I'm grown."

"I'm asking a simple question."

"Looks complex to me." We were both serious but he started feeling frustrated because someone was telling him 'no'. "Ask me something I can answer you without feeling invaded."

"You know what? Forget it."

I opened the door. My body language was telling him I was leaving and not caring about his feelings. His body language was telling me he didn't care either. Apparently. He might call me crazy if I say it out loud making myself look like a crazy woman who lies all the time about anything and everything.

I pulled the bag with strollers and closed the door. Called the lift and waited. A piece of me was telling me to wait, to give him enough time to have the courage to talk to me, to come out here and ask me to stay one more time. But I knew it wasn't going to happen.

And it didn't.