"Your intent efforts make me curious. So, for once, I'll trust your intentions." - Hwang Hyunjin.
Started: November 25, 2021.
Completed: --.
|STRAY KIDS Fanfiction| ONGOING.
GROUP 5 - COLLECTION 2021-2022.
GENERATIONS SERIES.
It's been a year since my mother died from her disease, and ever since then, I've been alone. Several people crossed my life and let me fall; however, my mother was always there for me and consoled my poor luck with wise words. But after her demise, I felt lonely around school grounds and at home. I thought the best idea was to reconnect with my father and go with him, but after meeting since his divorce with my mother, I regretted my decision. His new wife doesn't like me too much, but my step-brother is another story. He and I get along pretty well, and he's the only person I open up to when needed. My sanity is better due to him, but I still feel depressed from time to time. My therapist told me that it was natural, yet I didn't feel it that way; somehow, the loneliness and sadness inside my heart appear unmatchable.
After getting used to my new family, my step-brother, Minho, and I graduated from high school and entered college right away. I'm currently studying in the fine arts department at Seoul Institute of Visual Arts. Minho is part of another department from the same university, so we aren't together most of the time. Honestly, after my arrival, many students began talking to me; I let everybody approach me and faked a new persona. It helps me to avoid any further questioning about my private life. Moreover, carelessly talking to others helps me not to get attached to people. After my mother died, I didn't want anybody else to live with me, at least not how she did.
It's been a while since I entered the institute, and honestly speaking, not everything has been disturbing. I found new passions and continued with old hobbies. And even though I have to fake to be someone I'm not, I still live.
*Present time*
Currently, I'm inside my apartment while looking at the pictures on the entrance table. Most frames have my mother with me at different times in my life, but I have some others with Minho and my father. While looking at them, I sense a nostalgic feeling, wanting to come back to me again. But before I could focus on my thought, my phone rang. I walked over to the living area and grabbed it from the coffee table. Then, I checked the message.
"Hyunjin! There's a party at Lisa's house. Come over for once, go out from time to time." – Songsu.
I slightly grinned before replying and apologizing for not going to the party, but then I let out a long sigh and sent the message to Songsu.
I rather pretend to be someone else than to expose myself again. I'm sorry, but I still can't trust people.
After hearing my thoughts, I placed my phone down and walked to the kitchen. Briefly, I jumped on the counter and started to look outside through the window, immediately getting distracted by the view. But once again, my phone sounded. I looked it up and saw that my "friend" replied.
"Hyunjin, dude, you have to go out more. I understand you are an A-student, but you need to have fun." Songsu wrote.
"And I'll have after the new year begins. Right now, I want to enjoy my last day of the vacation season." I answered.
"Well, I get you! Tomorrow, let's see each other and talk like the old times." Songsu sent.
"Sure. Do you have some late drama for the new school year?" I asked.
"Yes, something like that. You'd better get ready for tomorrow, Hyunjin. I heard there'll be new kids in college." Songsu replied.
"Alright! I'll be waiting for tomorrow." I wrote.
After sending the last message, I placed my phone beside me on the counter. Gently, I shook my head and tried to take a deep breath while thinking about tomorrow's morning.
-New kids? – I questioned silently.
Songsu's words stuck in my head as one part of my head told me it was an open opportunity to change and approach others. However, my heart froze as soon as those thoughts crossed my mind. Even though I have people like Songsu beside me, I still fear depending on others too much. Songsu isn't as close to me as it seems to be; I would say that he knows my other persona too well, but my true self is a mystery for him. Besides Minho, he's the only student I talk to from time to time.
I listened to myself for some moments before noticing the hour on the hanging clock inside the kitchen. Then, a short sigh left my mouth after seeing the day coming to an end.
-I'd better pack my supplies if I don't want to run late to school tomorrow morning. – I murmured before getting off the counter, and then I walked out of the kitchen with my phone.
Eventually, I entered my room, which is impeccable after cleaning it a few hours ago. Then I grabbed my side bag from the floor and placed it on the bed, and briefly began filling it up with school supplies reluctantly. Honestly, I don't want to go to tomorrow's first day of college since the students are most likely to listen to a pep-talk at the auditorium. I crave to save some time for myself because of my anxiety; therefore, I feel nervous by thinking about the next day.
-My mom would probably tell me to go and enjoy my day. – I spoke over while trying to ease my mind.
It's harder to convince myself these days, and I'm almost starting to believe that my heart is closing its doors more. At first, I feared isolating myself from society, but now it appears like I'm doing it unconsciously.
-I ought to go; after all, I promised Minho-hyung to visit him at his classroom. – I remembered before letting out a long sigh. Shortly, I nodded after convincing myself, and then I played some music from my phone to relax.
While listening to the melody, I continued packing my supplies. And once I finished, I closed the sipper and placed the bag aside. Shortly, my body fell on the mattress, feeling exhausted after this long day.
It almost seems surreal that I'm going back to college.
The break season passed right in front of my eyes, ending without any warning. The cold days will begin in a few months, but it seems like they arrived earlier for me. I'm not trying to be pessimistic about college days; however, I don't want to fake who I am anymore. Yet, at the same time, I know the reason I keep my stakes high. And for my sake, I have to continue with this act.
It's unfair.
I thought while my eyes began to close little by little, and at last, I let my body sink into the mattress. Immediately, let my soul stay at ease along with my heart and mind.
