Trust

Fairy Lights, Jjajangmyeon

"This isn't fancy either", San states, pointing at his jjajangmyeon portion, "but I don't exactly have loads of money to blow, and I like jjajangmyeon and I know that you do too. So it's fine, it's fitting – or what do you think?"

"No, I- You're right." The fairy lights illuminate San's hair in a kind of unreal warm rose hue that I can't take my eyes off, even as I open the lid of my own box to check if it tastes as delicious as it smells.

"It's good", I tell him after the first bite.

"See?" San beams, and more out of instinct than common sense, I reach out to him, with the intent to run my hand through his hair- Then I pull back again, because I'm suddenly feeling self-conscious, and San looks at me questioningly. "Everything alright?"

"I was just wondering... Why did you dye it pink?"

"Oh." San's cheeks turn pink too now. "It's, uh... kind of stupid actually." He turns his head to look out of the window – but just before I can tell him that I'm sure it's everything but stupid, he opens his mouth again: "Remember the first time Yunho, Mingi and Jongho came over? We played Never Have I Ever."

It takes me a second to recall the memories. "Yeah, right. What about it?"

"You..." San bites down on his bottom lip. "I already liked you back then... And that evening you said you have a thing for blonde people-"

"-guys..."

"... so... yeah. I wanted you to like me back", San confesses quietly, "or to notice me in a different way. That's why I dyed it blonde first."

He pauses, and I feel too stunned to do anything decent other than finally reaching out and running my hand through his pink hair. "You look pretty either way, Sannie. And to be honest..."

Shit, this is scary. Being honest is scary.

I take a deep breath in. "I like you no matter what. Blonde did look good on you – but so did black and so does pink."

San's eyes crinkle as he smiles at me. "I dyed it pink because I thought you were back with Jimin. So I didn't wanna be reminded of the fact that I'd dyed it blonde just for you – and I didn't want to go back to black either."

"Oh, so that's why..." Why San acted the way he did this afternoon, apparently.

"Huh?" San looks at me questioningly.

"Never mind, I was just thinking out loud." I send him a smile – and with slightly trembling fingers, I reach out to hold his hand.

Squeezing my hand affirmatively, San smiles back at me, and the look of fondness in his eyes makes me realize all of a sudden that I must be the luckiest human being on earth to have met him, and to be able to talk to him so openly.

"San." I scoot closer to him, carefully balancing my box with jjajangmyeon and the chopsticks in one hand. "You... you really mean a lot to me."

San looks taken aback in the best way possible. His eyes are wide, and his mouth is slightly agape.

"You're- ugh, give me a second." I have to retract my hand out of San's because my chopsticks are suddenly threatening to fall down and smudge my mattress cover with black bean sauce. I quickly bend down to place the box on the floor next to the bed.

We can still eat later on – but right now, the tasty jjajangmyeon are all but convenient.

"Here, can you take mine too?" San holds his box out to me, and as I take it and place it on the floor beside my bed... I wonder where this is going now.