Trust

Change of Plans

I press my finger down on the doorbell and gulp. So much for spending time with my family in Busan. It's only been about twenty-four hours since I've gotten that call from Yeosang – but here I am already, back in Seoul, and in front of Hongjoong's studio.

I've known Yeosang, Hongjoong and Seonghwa for almost a month – but right now it feels like I'm starting at zero again. Or below zero. Minus ten or something.

My social skills are crap, and I don't even know if I can call the three guys in that studio still my friends, because we haven't really talked since the day they've excluded San and Jongho from our performance at the Festival of Lights.

Relax.

Hopefully Hongjoong will open the door; it's his studio after all, and he's also taking care of the music, and I don't know about the choreographies, but-

Relax.

Or maybe not Hongjoong. Maybe Seonghwa would be better; Seonghwa with his everything's gonna be alright-smile, although that kind of wouldn't fit the situation, since Yeosang is probably still mad at me, because even though he didn't sound mad over the phone, this doesn't have to mean anything; he could still glare at me or slam the door shut in my face for all I know-

Relax.

As long as it's not Yeosang opening the door, I should be fine.

The door opens, and I stand face to face with Yeosang.

"I've talked to Jimin", I blurt out.

I didn't think about mentioning this on the phone yesterday. "I've talked to him, and I apologized, and I kind of screwed up again too, but we are talking, and I'll meet him on Monday before uni to, uh... to talk a little more. And to figure stuff out." I take a deep breath. "Together."

Together. I don't know what the fuck I should do if Jimin wants us to be together – holding hands, kissing... dating. Because I've come to realize that I do want all of that. But I want it with San.

Yesterday, in Busan, after I've told my parents a slightly censored version of Friday night's events, and after they made me admit that I like San – like, like like (Doyoung's words) – they both basically gave me the same advice: I should try my best, do everything I can, in order to show San how much I like him. To, hopefully, eventually, make him trust me again.

As if I hadn't already figured that part out myself.

On the train ride back to Seoul, I've rehearsed my apology to San about a dozen times. I'd also considered calling him, but ultimately decided against it, because there are still some blanks in my apology that I don't know how to fill out, and for that, I need to speak with Jimin first. I can't tell San that I've broken it off with Jimin – this time for real – if I haven't done so yet. I can't just give him a half-assed apology. San deserves a complete apology, without any blanks or question marks.