"If only you cared" (tommyinnit angst)

Part 21:All i want:

My eyes had regained there colour but through them was a dark mind,one that would never be fixed.Leaning up I ran my hand over my chest.The wound that offically broke my heart.Slowly I ran my hand down to my scar on my abdomen.The wound that pierced me.Slowy my eyes moved back up my body to my face.The scar running down my left eyebrow all the way to just below my left eye.The scar that should have blinded but never did.I closed my eyes and held the sink once again tightly.I gave one big sigh and pushed myslef up looking in the mirror once more before walking out of the bathroom.

"Here tommy, all nice and ironed"phill said smiling at me slightly"

I nodded at him and grabbed it.Walking back into a bedroom I put the suit one.Doing up the buttons that were one the white shirt underneath, then zipping up my pants and lastly putting on the the suits jacket on.I tied up the tie and walked to a draw were I kept my socks.I sat on the bed and put them one then the shoes.I looked down at the floor until I heard voices come down the corridor.

"Hey toms, you ready to go big man?"phill said walking in with everyone behind him.

I looked up then looked down.

"I guess I am"I said standing up and walking over to them.

The drive felt like it took forever.Wilburs hand was on mine as a way of comforting me which it did slightly.before I knew it we had made it to the destination.The rain was pouring down, very fitting.We grabbed umbrellas and headed inside.Wilbur and dreams hands were on my shoulders as we made our way through the crowd.Soon we had found our seats at the front and had seated.

Looking around I saw many unfamiliar faces but yet those faces knew me but were to scared to come over.I felt everyone's eyes on me as we were the last ones to come in and sit.I could feel my heart rate start to pick up.Because Wilbur has some genius powers he must have known I was getting uneasy so he pulled me close to him.Rubbing my shoulder.The music quieted down and the lights dimmed,peoples voices soon stopped until the only thing to be heard was the quiet pounding of the rain on the outside.

"Lady's and gentlemen.Today we are here to celebrate Lisa Innits life.A beautiful women who had the kindness soul.Always putting others ahead of her self.A way to describe Lisa from her son was a 'funny mummy who made those scary days fun'
I looked down smiling slightly remembering writing that on a Mother's Day card which she had posted a photo to Facebook of.

"Though Lisa died in a horrific and terrible way,her soul will continue to live on in those who knew her."
I felt my heart clench at his words and I held the seat tightly.Tears springing to my eyes.
He continued on with his speech until he went silent,the only thing to be heard was peoples sniffles.

"A mother,daughter,grandchild,friend
Co-worker.Gone but never forgotten and as her son put it."
"Mummy will always comes home with the biggest hugs".

I cracked.

I wrote that never suspecting that 10 years later I would be in this situation.

Having to say goodbye to my mum.

I sobbed into Wilbur's side and soon I felt arms all over me.I looked up slightly to see tubbo infront of me hugging me.Dream on my other side hugging me,George infront as well rubbing my side,Wilbur obviously still hugging me and rubbing my arm and phill on his side holding my hand.Soon I heard motion of people moving around and going up to the coffin.Which I hadn't really noticed until now was beautiful.It was white with a beautiful gold trim around it.The doors were opened which aloud you to look in.There was beautiful roses around the outside the colours being yellow,baby blue and a light purple.Her beautiful face was sitting on a canvas with her name spelt out on it and little flowers around them as well.

She loved roses.

Soon I felt Wilbur move away from me and turn to sit in front of me.

"Tommy"Wilbur spoke softly.

"Y-yea"I said voice cracking.

"It's our turn to say goodbye, would you like to go up first."Wilbur said rubbing my knee.

I looked up at the coffin and looked back.

"Yea.....I guess I do..."I said slowly getting up.All the voices from the crowd quieted down as I walked up.I didn't care about anyone looking at me.All I cared about way saying my goodbyes.

I got to the coffin and took a deep breath.Putting my hands on the cold wood I closed my eyes and breathed out,opening them.

There my beautiful mother slept.Her face so peaceful that you wouldn't even be able to tell how much torture she was in when she succumbed.He hair was straight and brushed beautifully.She had light makeup on that really showed her features.She wore a beautiful white dress and shiny heels.On her chest was a Boquet of the same roses that were on the outside of the coffin.

I let out a quiet sob and leaned over slightly.

This wasn't fair.

*Play all I want now if you want and extra level of sad* :)

"H-hey mum"I started off sobbing quietly.

"I really miss you.W-when they said you were gone I couldn't believe it.I couldn't stand the fact that when you died that you would be gone forever.I remember all t-the f-fun we would have together and the fact that you were the 'funny mummy that would make those scary days fun'.I sobbed but chuckled slightly.

"And I'm so sorry.I'm sorry I couldn't be brave enough to save you.I-if I knew what would have happened I would have helped you,I would have thrown myself at those men and t-taken that knife for y-you and I know it's impossible but all I want is t-to hear your v-voice, t-to feel your hugs, to even just s-see your eyes open".I sobbed gripping the coffin tightly until my knuckles turned white.

"I know what you would say, that it isn't my fault and that I'm so strong but I'm n-not.....I couldn't even save you."I sobbed louder.

"IM SO S-SORRY"I screamed breaking on to my knees sobbing.

I soon heard rushed footsteps comming up the stairs until I was ingufled in a huge hug.

By my Wilbur.

"Shh Tommy,Its ok let it out just breath"Wilbur said sniffling slightly while rubbing my back.

"I'm sorry I'm s-sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm S-SORRY"I sobbed crying into his chest.

Soon I felt more arms and as I opened my eyes slightly.I saw that the boys were all with me.Shushing me,comforting me and even one and other.I heard some sniffles come from them but was to stuck in my own thoughts to realise.

"I'm sorry mum I promise I will get justice f-for you"I whispered continuing to cry.

🌺🌺🌺🌸🌸🌸

Didn't re read because I never do :)

Maaaannnnn!!!! This was a roll coaster to make,many different emotions but I'm back!Hopefully with this new found motivation there will be more chapters out on both books.Sorry for this really ansgty chapter but at the same time not :) if you cried like I did I hope it was a nice cry lol.

Anyway I'm going to read more books, love you guys and remember...

YOUR AMAZING YOUVE GOT THIS AND I LOVE YOU!!!❤️❤️

Btw my other books name and picture had changed!
It is called 'my yellow' and the front cover looks like this.

~lapislas4367