In Another Life

13: Déja vu

Tyrese

After our 10th date, I stopped talking to Eisley. I was just waiting for him to ask me to be his girlfriend, and I would gladly say yes. Hindi pa nakatulong yung mga panaginip kong parang totoo, na parang naghintay talaga ako ng ilang taon para sa kanya tapos magkakasakit lang siya. 

"Oh manay, okay ka lang ba? Mukhang matamlay ka ata?" nag-aalalang tanong ni Bev. 

Nasa Cebu kami para sa opening event ng bagong branch. Ito rin ang pinamalaki so far. 3 floors yung building. Sa first floor, may mga arts and crafts. May café rin, beanbags at books. Sa second floor, may mga paintings and sculptures ng mga underrated artists. Favorite ko yung 3rd floor kung saan gaganapin yung mga workshops and exhibits. I loved the floor-to-ceiling windows and rooftop garden. Sobrang chill ng vibe. 

Nasa rooftop garden kami ni Bev ngayon at nakaupo sa wooden swing. 

I heaved a heavy sigh. "Bakit ba sobrang clueless niya? Hindi ko alam kung natatakot siya kausapin ako kasi feeling niya hindi ko nagustuhan yung kiss or he's not that into me lang talaga?" 

"Ito naman, ilang araw pa lang naman kayong hindi nagpapansinan. Siguro maghintay ka? Saka ilang beses ka tinry kausapin ng tao tapos ngayon, maghahabol ka?"

"I did that because I was getting impatient. I wanted him to ask me to be his girlfriend, but he gave up too quickly."  

Tinawanan niya lang ako sabay sabing, "Grabe ha?! Si Eisley unang nagkagusto sa'yo, pero ikaw yung patay na patay?" 

I wasn't denying it naman. Eisley confessed first, but I felt like I liked him more than he liked me. Was it because he was so mysterious that I wanted to be that someone he could be himself with or because he was too adorable I wanted to put him in my pocket sometimes? Was it because he was unexpectedly caring and sweet, and he loved his mom deeply? I could go on and on, but deep within, I knew it was because I simply fell in love with him. 

I was ready to be in a relationship with him since our date on the beach. We were watching the sunset just like in my dreams, listening to the waves with a tranquil atmosphere. We didn't even need to talk. We understood each other without saying anything. It was a perfect moment, and there I felt like we could be something deeper. I wasn't sure why, but Eisley could make me miss him despite being with him. He could make me feel nostalgic. I said this before, but I genuinely felt like we had known each other for a long time. 

Bev went downstairs to help Nyle and Eisley with the opening event, but I remained seated on the swing. I was here as a guest anyway; not as an intern. 

I was still deep in thought when someone sat next to me. I thought it was Eisley, but when I turned my head to see who it was, my jaw dropped. It was Rhys, my ex. 

"Hi," he greeted with a sheepish smile. "Can we talk? Kahit sandali lang? I've been feeling guilty for what I did. Alam ko it's selfish of me to ask for your forgiveness to make myself feel better kaya you don't need to forgive me. Just hear me out, please?" 

What was he doing here? I seriously had no energy to refuse or agree, so I didn't say anything. He just counted my silence as a yes. 

"Believe it or not, I regretted hurting you. My entire life, I was so spoiled. If I wanted something, I had to get it. If I couldn't control it, I'd lose it. In turn, I'd say hurtful stuff. I'm so sorry, Tyrese. I'm so sorry you have wounds, and they are because of me. I was young and immature, but they should never be an excuse."

I remained silent.

"I deserve to be alone," he continued. "And you, Tyrese, deserve to be treated with respect. I would love to have you back in my life, but it's too late. The damage has been done, and I'm blaming myself for it." 

I took a deep breath. "You know what you did, so I don't need to say more, but people change and grow. I admit, I'm still scared you might not be able to control yourself again, but you don't deserve to be alone. Oo, nagkamali ka pero pinagsisihan mo 'yun. Yes, the damage has been done at hindi na maibabalik pa yung dati. I don't want us to be friends either, pero kung nagbago ka na nga, sana makahanap ka ng taong tatratuhin mo ng tama. I wasn't the best girlfriend rin naman and our relationship was toxic, but hey, we've grown; just separately." 

He gave me a smile, and it looked sincere. Like other relationships, Rhys and I started off well and happy. We were young, naive and immature kaya siguro pati yung relasyon namin, fragile rin. Yung maliit na problema, padagdag nang padagdag, hanggang sa hindi na namin sila kayang i-solve together. We ended up fighting against each other instead of solving our problems together. Nakakalungkot, pero ganun talaga, 'di ba? Eventually, we had to grow, move forward and become stronger and better.

Dahil sa conversation namin ni Rhys, gusto kong puntahan si Eisley. Ano pa bang hinihintay ko? Bakit ba ako nagpapa-hard to get? 

"Why are you here pala?" tanong ko. 

"Ah, kababata ko yung may-ari," sagot niya. "Hindi ko alam na nandito ka kaya nung nakita kita, kinausap na kita agad dahil may possibility na hindi na kita makita ulit." Nagkamot siya ng batok. 

"Yung kababata mo... Si Eisley?" 

He nodded. "His mom and my mom are best friends. We were always together when we were kids, then my mom and dad separated and I had to transfer to Manila with my dad." 

"Your mom's Tita Berna?" Siya lang naman bestfriend ni Tita Juliet. Sa laki ng Earth, ang dami kong pwedeng makilala, pero si Eisley pa talaga. Para kaming tinadhana. Lahat ng connections na mayroon kami, parang sinadya. 

Pinaglalaruan ba kami ng universe?

His eyes widened. "Paano mo nalaman? Teka... 'wag mong sabihing... kayo?"

"Not yet." Kasalanan ko naman talaga. 

"Eisley's a good person, Tyrese. We've never been close despite growing up together, but I can assure you, he's the type of guy you deserve." 

 "I know," matipid na sagot ko.

Naunang umalis si Rhys dahil may kailangan pa raw siyang puntahan. Hindi muna ako umalis sa rooftop dahil gusto ko munang mapag-isa. Pagkatapos kong magmuni-muni, bumaba na ako para puntahan si Eisley nang may narinig akong... 

"Call an ambulance! Si Sir Eisley!" 

I felt like I was experiencing déja vu once again.