Like We Used To

Three

“Can we talk?” Allen asked Lovely as soon as she walked back to the hospital lounge. He stayed to look after her luggage. Lovely gazed at him and nodded. “Of course.”

“Great. I’d just say hi to Papang. Please wait for me here.” Allen stood up and put his hands inside the pocket of his jeans. Lovely noted that he’s nervous. He does that thing when he’s nervous.

“I won’t leave,” she said, assuring him. And she felt the need to add, “I’ll wait for you.”

That’s when Allen’s lips curved into a smile. Lovely hated herself for noticing because that meant she was staring at his lips, the one she used to kiss lovingly whenever she wanted to. But why was she thinking about that? She looked at the floor to shake the thoughts away. That’s why she was caught off guard when Allen wrapped his arms around her. He held her close to his chest. His heart was beating fast. She could hear it.

“Thank you for coming home,” he whispered.

Lovely wanted to clarify that he didn’t need to thank her, that she would definitely come home for Papang. But she couldn’t really blame him for reacting like that. Because she wouldn’t come home if Allen assured her Papang was doing well.

“Papang is waiting for you.” Lovely patted Allen’s back, fighting the urge to hug him back, and stepped back to get out of his arms—or tried. Because Allen didn’t let her go. Instead, he hugged her tighter and buried his face in her hair. Finally, he let her go. “I’ll be back.”

It sounded like a promise and Lovely did not know how to respond so she just nodded. 

Lovely had so many questions. So many emotions stirred up. She's confused and she hates being confused. She needed answers. 

It didn’t take Allen a lot of time to convince Lovely to leave the hospital so they could talk. He didn’t like the hospital’s ambience and Lovely needed to eat, so they ended up in his car, driving to a nearby restaurant—one of their many favorites.

He sneaked a glance at Lovely on the passenger's seat. She had been staring outside the car window the whole drive, as if she was in a taxi and he was a taxi driver that she didn't need to talk to. He felt a little punch in his gut. 

A song was playing on the radio but he couldn’t even hear what it was. The tension was thick and Lovely felt so far away when she was sitting beside him. He needed to break the ice and maybe it would put her at ease. "Ma-stiff neck ka," he commented.

Lovely only straightened her back and looked straight ahead, clutching her seat belt.

“How have you been, Love?” he tried again, hoping this would start a conversation.

A few years ago, it would not be this awkward. Lovely would have been telling him stories right now. She used to be so talkative. She was a great storyteller. Most of the time, she talked about her students. Lovely always knows all her students.

Everything was different now. Especially Lovely.  

Four years ago

“'Ga, did you know that Lorenz, one of my students, came up to me and said he wanted to be a soldier?"

"That's nice. Why daw 'Ga?" 

"I think it's because of a TV show," she said while deep in thought. Lorenz was also a nephew of one of her friends in school. Allen didn't know that at that time, Lovely was contemplating joining the military. And then she blinked and smiled at him. "Another student of mine, Joseph, wanted to be like you."