Selena's Monarch

13. Cosmos

Despite the thought, our kiss deepened. It meant something different to me; genuine and fragile. Agaisnt the world, the home of evil.  It was all so enticing. A part of me telling me to stop, the other sucking on human pleasures wantonly.

My lips started hurting like the Supreme beings had cursed it. The sensation pierced so deep in my heart, Luther's face started flashing before my mind. The stabs, the blood, Arthur's look of victory when he made those thrusts, it all started coming back.

Luther looked so genuine, like he had no fault in the world, perfect, ethereal.
As these thoughts started coming back, guilt, feeling of stupidity and everything deceitful started killing me. The feeling was intense, the one of being a traitor, of being the bastardized human that runs off with someone immediately her husband dies.

As the pictures in my mind became clearer, blood splashed! It seemed so real that my form jolted back. I started panting, breathing heavily like there wasn't any air left in me.

"Selena are you---"

"Selena!"
A stern and disappointed voice shouted from a distance.

My form paused in fear of the unknown as I looked at the person  in front of me. The atmosphere became intense. I tried to catch my breath but nothing came to me. I was appalled by my own act but it felt so comforting. The best type of comfort.

"Herrington... what? I mean...
Don't let your form be deceived by what meets the eye. It was a..."
I tried defending for I was so eaten up in the moment, I lost all sense of responsibility. Or did I?
Was I just desperately searching for what I felt with Luther?

"Your being is so foolish to the core young one. Your stupidity is immeasurable if my hagged being may say."
Disappointment filled her eyes as tears threatened to roll down.
"Have you forgotten the reason you're here in the first place? To heal! To heal you self absorbed creature! Wisen up! Why trust a stranger?
I fear for you child, I really do."
She said worriedly, with a pitiful look on her face.

"Herrington! Stop! I never asked for your help you know. Of what good have you been to me since my stay at your's? Tell me! You've done nothing except insult me, belittle me, asides the other terrible things your form has done to me. Why? Tell me! You even lied to me, what more? Sacrifice me? Murder me? Talk!"

Her voice quivered as she lost every strength in her to defend herself. She looked so weak but she didn't give up. Her form started shaking with fear. She feared for my being. Tears rolled down her eyes, her eyes like red raisins, filled with pain from my words.

"Selena child." She inched closer, trying to grab my hand but I looked away. She shifted my head so I could look at her. Her eyes were the purest thing ever, her warmth was the safest thing ever. Then why?

"Hold me child, please." She told me, with her teary eyes but still enamored with love.
"I know that I have hurt you; with my words, my actions, how I react, my foolish being knows that much but I beg of you child, don't do this to yourself."

At this point, my being was so perplexed because I couldn't decipher why being with someone was such a big deal. It didn't mean anything; at least I thought so, so why was she overreacting?

"I'm truly sorry my child. Please." Her voice became as light as ever. So tired and weak, like the whole world was against her.
"But please, don't do this to yourself." She used the last strength in her to utter those words.

"Herrington, it's okay. I am sorry for everything I've put you through. The names I've called you, my intruding behavior, it's time to let you be.
From now on, I'll fend for myself, I'll figure it out alone, after all I came here alone. It's high time I stopped being dependent on you for who will I rely on when the journey gets too tough and every human backs out?"