Unseen

-5-

Stuck. And I don’t know why.

But for the first time in I don’t know how long, someone heard me. Someone talked back. Someone looked me in the eyes and I can’t stop shaking. For so long I’ve talked and talked but no one replied and now someone can actually tell me to shut up. Even that is glorious. Someone said my name without crying.

I laugh out loud, I can’t help it. It didn’t go smoothly and yeah, James yelled at me to leave him alone. But it’s not like I’m good at listening to people or like I can let this opportunity slip from my fingers.

I step outside Block E just at the same time the clouds have completely covered the little bit of sun we had before and then a few drops start pouring. I look at the sky with the smile still on my lips and I laugh some more before I start towards my home.

I wonder why it is that James can see me. Is it only me or can he see others like me? Are there any others like me? If there are, I’ve never stumbled across one of them. Although I wonder if I could recognise one. I don’t look any different from when I was alive. I’m not any paler or fainter, I don’t smell like decomposition. I don’t drag chains or float. I look exactly like I did before and I know it because I can still see my reflection. I’ve seen the same girl in the brown boots, dress and denim jacket for too long, with her light brown curls to her shoulders and brown eyes.

How could I recognise another like me, if there’s someone else like me out there? James didn’t know I was a ghost until I mentioned it.

Not this again, he mumbled at some point. Does that mean this has happened to him before? The whole seeing a ghost? Could he know more about ghosts than I do? Am I even a ghost? Maybe I’m something different, but I don’t know what to call myself. I just know I’m dead. But I can still touch things and I have emotions. I don’t feel the touch of things, but I know I can touch them, like opening doors or grabbing some other clothes to put on top and look at the mirror, pretending I can wear something else. I can also touch Luna and she can see me, but she’s a cat. I think all animals can see me. I’ve touched people and it has different effects on everyone. Normally when I touch mum she cries. When I touch any of my classmates they shiver.

When I get home I have so many questions, things I never questioned or if I did I can’t remember ever finding something about it. No one can answer my questions, no one could help me out and I’ve been doing the same over and over again. I never tried to investigate more about my state. 

But now something is different and even if James wants me to leave him alone, I can’t. I have to ask him! If he’s seen others like me then he must know how to move on or something else. Maybe he can introduce me to someone else like me so I won’t be alone for the rest of existence.

“Mum!” I call, my voice so cheery and loud that it wakes Luna, sleeping on the counter in the kitchen. Once again, Mum is already there, absentmindedly watching the telly with a mug of tea between her hands. “Mum, you’ll never know what happened today!” I say, going to Luna first to stroke her fur and kiss her head, playing with her whiskers for a little while before I turn around and sit across Mum, covering the telly with my body but that doesn’t seem to affect her. “Mum, someone saw me today!” I tell her, bouncing on my seat.

Luna jumps down and scrubs herself against Mum’s leg and then against mine. I get distracted to grab her and sit her on my lap and then run my fingers through her fur. Mum can’t see me because Luna is between the chair and the table and Mum’s glance is fixed on the telly.

“Remember the new classmate I told you about? James Black? He can see me, Mum! And he can also hear me. Today he said something back to me. Well, he was mostly telling me to leave him alone because he doesn’t wanna make friends with anyone, but that’s irrelevant right now, the point is that he saw me and I talked to someone, Mum! I can’t believe this actually happened I think I’m might burst out giggling again,” I confess in a hurry and cue to my words I start giggling.