G L E I P N I R

never look back

"Don't waste your time looking back. You're not going that way."

28 ABY, Batuu

Black Spire Outpost, The Whispering Eye

First person POV.

I was grinding my teeth. I don't know for how long, but it was enough to make my jaw ache. My eyes were glued on the Holonet as the news broadcasted loudly over the quiet lounge. The Jedi Temple of Luke Skywalker, previously hidden from general society, has been found in fire and ruin. No signs of life, no signs of Skywalker. All that was found were bodies, both large and small, and then fire and rubble. Everything was gone. There was nothing there.

There was nothing for me to come back to, even if I wanted.

Part of me did, but that was snuffed out the other night. I felt it during a restless sleep. A great disturbance; loud and angry and full of darkness. It rippled the Force in the galaxy, no doubt signalling all those that were sensitive to it. There was no news until the graves were found still warm with destruction. No evidence to be found in that rubble.

It was only weeks ago that the news about the genealogy of Leia Organa and Luke Skywalker came to light. There was no evidence that linked the destruction of the Temple to this new revelation. But, if there is one lesson that I kept from Jedi training, it was that there was no such thing as coincidences.

I've been sitting at the bar for an undetermined amount of time. The voices behind me were hushed, a few forced giggles that appeared louder than the idle chatter. Clinks of glasses, a cough from smoking. No one else seemed to care about the Holonet broadcast; no one but me.

I felt the warmth of a body behind me, and then hands snake around my waist and a chin rested on my shoulder. I didn't move; her smell alone was enough to tell me who exactly it was. She smelled potently like cigarettes, mixed with perfumes of exotic flowers.

"Mm, never look back, dear," she spoke, her voice gravely with age and poor health. "Because you'll just see something like that." Her chin lifted as she gestured to the Holonet.

Demetra pulled away, then patted my shoulder as she turned towards the bar and signalled the bartender for her usual. She slid onto a stool next to me, crossed her legs and fished for a cigarette from her bosom, then leaned on her elbow after she lit it.

"Think of it as a blessing," she spoke again, blowing out a curtain of smoke. "Now you're not tempted to go back."

More words of wisdom from the mother of the year. Demetra had a lot of them up her sleeve. It was irritating at how often they made sense, and were so often proved correct. Like right now. I left the Temple for a reason -- I wasn't wanted. I was a disappointment. I was there for nearly ten years, and I struggled as much as I did the moment I stepped foot on that nameless moon. There were things I could do better now, sure; levitate objects, mostly. Meditation was particularly hard, but I always preferred hand to hand combat to most other things. But I was never strong enough, so I often lost in sparring matches, both with and without training sabers.

I never did get my own lightsaber, but everyone in my age group did. I would never know what colour it would be. Though, I'd imagine it would be dull in brightness, and weaker than the others. Like a flickering light in an old building.