Scar

Confession

"Why did you go out there?!" he roars back suddenly mad again, like he always is. His brow is furrowed in that familiar scowl and something unimaginable swivel behind his eyes. I feel the hope in my chest fade again; it feels like the will to live is leaving me.

"What do you care?" I growl back but he doesn't answer. The angry eyes stare the window down as if it would cower before him. I bet it would if it could. "You never cared before? You tried to get rid of me! Me leaving like this should have been the best things that could have happened to you..." I trail off as my voice starts to choke and tears form in my eyes. 

My chest is heavy and I can barely breathe from the bolts of pain surgin through it. My heart has ached for a long time but these questions and this tiny ridiculous hope has created a giant block of ice that is now crushing me. 

"That's where you're wrong" he says and turns to me. I don't think I've ever seen him this honest. Every flimsy piece of feelings is shown upon his face, like a waterfall of emotions. "You were the best thing that could have happened to me." 

At first I'm sure he's said something wrong. As if it was supposed to be you were the worst thing that could have happened to me. But the river of love splashed over his face is no error. 

"Then why..." I start but the ending of that question hurts too much to be uttered. My astonished gaze falls to my hands. They are red from crawling through the snow and hurts when I clutch them. 

There is too much pain between us. There is no way all of what he did to me could have been love. And there surely is no way I could ever love him now. This has to be some near death hallucination on my part. This really isn't happening. 

"There are things I never told you. Things that you were to small to understand. I should have said something but I had built this wall between us that kept you away. At first I tried to make you hate me so that maybe you could break the bond" he confesses. 

My eyes stare at him and my heart is beating so firecly it must make my whole body move with every beat. I already knew that he wanted to break out bond so even though it hurts I have to ask him. 

"Why? What was it that you could never tell me?" 

He doesn't want to say it. I can see it on his face, on the way his body is still cruncched up in angry fists and raspy breaths, his neck caned and jaw strained in a tight bite. 

"The dark... it's hard to explain, but I can feel it. Always present. It sleeps in my body. Always ready to break out and kill. Mathew once told me an old story about the origin of the dark ones. Something beautiful about the children of the moon being afraid of the warriors of the sun and then the night kissing the moon making her give birth to a cub so dark even the sun feared it and then that cub grew up and killed all the sun warriors so that the moon and her cubs could live in peace."

"Wow."

"I always thought it was crappy story. Elmer, you have to understand, NONE of this is beautiful. The dark that rests inside me is disgusting. It will kill cubs just as well as wolves and it would spare no one if it had its way. Not even you." 

My whole being aches. As if I could accept that as the truth. He was protecting me. From this darkness thing? Was his anger towards me not the dark? 

"If that was true then how come you have never killed anyone?" 

"I have killed too many to count" he whispers, his voice barely more than a breath. "Every time I am gone, when I go out hunting it is to let it out so that it won't break out. It's desperate to kill. It takes so much blood to get it satisified. I am a terrible person. It's only right everyone keeps their distance."