Forever untill the end (poems I wrote when I felt fucked up)

My Poems

Still wasn't.
I drank coffee to stay awake.
A taste I've always hate.
I sat at my desk.
Studied all night through.
But when the sun woke up.
And the sky turned blue.
It still wasn't enough for you.

~Entity

In the end.
Even though I swore on my name
To stay mad and never forget
I still forgave them in the end

~Entity

A simple fuck up.
I laid in bed and I couldn't read my book no further.
I heard their loud voices downstairs and felt my heart shatter.
I wanted to scream and tell them to shut up.
So that I could get rid of that burning lump.
I wanted to hit him through his face.
I wanted to help him escape.
I wanted to just end it all.
All over a math problem no one could calculate.

~Entity

Fallen
The blue marks are hidden.
Along with the lines of the past.
Underneath any kind of fabric.
Is the evidence of a battle long lost.

~Entity

High school crush
Behind me to the right.
Is my love at first sight.
He found another he said.
Someone else in my stead.
I've wished it not be so.
Although it sometimes makes you feel high.
Love is the biggest lie.
Even as old friends.
We say no hello.
And dare not say the unspoken goodbye.

~Entity

Lost
By the moon and the stars,
And the wind with his song,
I sit in silence.
All words have gone.
My brain is done.
Nothing to create.
No poems to write.
No songs to sing.
No world for me.
And no throne for the King.

~Entity

An arm apart.
You sit behind me to the right.
Only an arm apart.
Old friends we were.
Oh the hurt of a broken heart.

~Entity

Who am I?
I sit here alone.
Pen in hand.
Tears starting.
I don't understand.
Why can't I just love who I am?

~Entity

How?
I want it.
But I don't know how anymore.

~Entity

Lost.
Shocked is my heart.
And clouded is my mind.
My world is upside down.
I'm lost to an unknown time.

~Entity

Better?
I want to cry.
I want laugh.
I want to feel.
Like I am loved.
I feel no more.
I'd even be sad.
Am I getting better?
Or having it worse than I had?

~Entity

My bed
My bed is my only friend.
He’s been there through it all.
He was there from the start.
To catch the tears before they fall.
My bed is my only friend.
He doesn't talk much.
He only listen.
He can't tell me all the wrong.
He just keeps me warm.
All the lonely times long.

~Entity

Low
I feel so low.
I don't even know.
What it's like to feel again.
Dark is the time I have been in.
I want to feel.
Something that's real.
Not this madeup hate.
Darkening my fate.
Causing me to fall.
Down to the dark of all.

~Entity

Dark
In the deepest,
darkest place.
Where sun, moon nor light
can't shine.
I hide the cold thoughts of my mind.
Where they never can find.

~Entity

I can't believe
I can't believe,
they can get into the same bed.
I can't believe,
after he blundered on the table.
I can't believe,
after she stood melancholy
And whatched the scene unfold,
They could get into the same bed,
knowing,
that the girl who stood behind them,
Was their daughter.

~Entity

My old poems
My old poems,
I read.
They are moments of the past.
Emotions I had felt.
Times I had delt.
Things I had held.
They carry the tears,
My pillow had collected.
They carry the hurt,
That I or others had inflicted.
On myself or someone else.
Truths that were false.
Pain that flowed through my pulse.
The times that I had felt,
I am the most loneliest thing alive,
Driveing others away,
Thriveing in the darkest of day.
They are the way,
I have to deal.
No other.
No.
If others can do it so can I.
If I have to say it I'll say my goodbye.
My old poems,
I read.
They tell my story.
They only know of the lows.
The times I have hated.
Only ever words, for they are my life in the sentences I have created.

~Entity

She.
I can't say I like it,
But I can't say I hate it.
The way she talks,
Sometimes put me on edge,
But sometimes it makes me feel better.
The way she made my heart tumble,
The way she lifts it up again.

~Entity

Tears for another day.
I just want to end it.
It just seems so much easier.
Than living in this world of dark and death.
And tears I shed that should've been kept for another day.

~Entity

I can't take this anymore.
I can't take this anymore.
I'm falling lower and lower each day.
I've denied it to others so many times,
But now to me it seems true.
No one will miss me anyway.

~Entity

More difficult.
I find it more and more difficult,
To deal with life each day.
I try.
I try to make things better.
I try to feel better.
But I find it more and more difficult,
To deal with life each day.

~Entity

It will be better.
I love them.
I love them so much.
I don't want to leave them.
But I feel that I must.
They’ll be happier.
When I am gone,
Things will be better.

~Entity

Sure.
Do they even understand,
How it feels?
Do they even know,
What I try to deal?
To deal with everyday.
Yea, sure.
Just a faze.
It will end when I breathe that last breath.
My eyes turn to glaze.

~Entity

True love.
If someone could look at me,
Like Wall-E looks at Eve,
I will finally someday,
Believe,
That true love is real.

~Entity

I cannot.
I don't want to be here anymore.
I'm having having trouble feeling good.
I can't smile, I can't laugh, I can't say anything.
If I do, I shrink.
If I do, I distance.
I dissappear from thought and time.
I run from everything that was mine.
In the dark of day.
And light of night.
I begin to run and hide.
From the battle I learned.
I cannot fight.

~Entity

No.
I'm always wrong.
I don't know what to say anymore.
I don't know what to do anymore.
No matter what I say is wrong.
It'll always be a lie.
No matter what I do it's wrong.
I can't even say goodbye.

~Entity

Why?
Why can't I just shut up?
Why can't I just stop talking?
Why am I so useless?
Can I just stop living?

~Entity

My end.
If I go, I know how I want to.
I want to fly through the air.
The wind blowing.
The blue sky.
The white clouds.
The fresh air.
The source of life.
My dream.
Is to fly above the clouds.

~Entity

I can't.
I just can't anymore.
I'm giving up.
My life is falling apart.
And I can't give a fuck.
I had enough.

~Entity