Get you- Illumi HxH FF Black reader

Part 29

POV Y/n

Mrs. Zoldyck opened the door smiling, she let us in. I noticed Illumi letting go of my hand but I understood why. We went to her balcony and sat down:

"

- I am happy to see you're doing better Y/n. You'll excuse my son Milluki, he's an immature child who lets his emotions get the best of him 

- Thank you miss, I am indeed doing so much better

- So you came here for the song right?

- Yes, I haven't produced an instrumental yet but I got the rhythm down

- Great, whenever you're ready

"

I did a short vocal warm up and started slowly drumming on the table, exactly how I imagined it, after a few seconds I slowly started singing the song. I'm pretty sure I did a great job, and I loved how it sounded, I just wish I could be in my studio and spend my days producing and coming up with new choreographies, ideas or just spinning on my chair during the slow days where I don't feel like doing anything. I miss all of it. 

Mrs. Zoldyck clapped, telling me she really liked it, I just gave her a fake smile. I went back to my room followed by Illumi. I laid back down on the bed and sighed, staring at the ceiling. I miss my old life so much. Illumi stood over me:

"

- You seem down, what's going on?

- I'm just, homesick I guess. I miss my old house, and my studio, and dancing, and producing. I just miss everything you know

- You should leave then. You don't have to stay here, I know you don't want to be here, and I don't want you to be here either, because you're never safe

- Will you come with me if I leave?

- No

- Why not? 

- Because I have a duty here, I have a job, I'm a Zoldyck before anything else, I can't leave

- I'll miss you a lot if I leave

- But you miss your old life even more

- My old life won't mean anything if you're not in it

- You have a passion, you said it yourself, you're nothing without your passion, just go back to how you used to be and live your life, you'll be okay without me

- How are you so sure about that?

- I just know

- I don't want to leave you, you matter to me, you're important

- You'll forget about me anyway

- I won't, I won't ever forget you. I stood up

- You have to, forget me, and my family, and this whole mess that I got you in

- No matter what you say, I won't forget you, you're whole existence, our memories and all the time we spent together, it's engraved in my memory, in my heart. I cherish you, so much, more than you can imagine and more than I can ever explain 

- Y/n... He gently held my cheek

- I can't leave you, I can't ever imagine myself without you by my side. I used to hate you, but now I feel everything towards you but hate

- Y/n... please.... you're making this so much harder for me

- It doesn't have to be hard, it's never hard, and it never will be. As long as I have you by my side

- Please... I'm begging you... stop... His eyes who have always been this emotionless void, were now this endless sea of sadness

- But...

"

He put his index and middle finger on my forehead, closing his eyes. At that moment I felt a sharp pain, almost as if someone had stabbed me but on the forehead, it was foreign and felt horrible. I almost shouted in pain and held my forehead. My vision was blurry and I felt so dizzy I could barely stand up. I fell on my knees, holding my head. I brought my arm out, waiting for Illumi to maybe come help me, treating me so gently like he always did. The way he always cared for me was one of the things that made me love him so much.

I looked up at him as he just stared back at me, emotionless, like he used to. He stood there as I was trying to figure out what was the cause of this pain, and how to stop it. Until it all clicked, he caused it. He caused the pain I was feeling. Like every single time, he was the cause of it all. I got in so much trouble and danger ever since I met him, it was all his fault, the pain, the injuries, it was all him, but he caused something else. He was the cause of my smiles, he was my inspiration, he was the one I always needed, the one I always wanted. So I put up with all the pain, because I felt numb. My love for him numbed out all the pain. No matter what I felt, it was okay because he was the cause of it.

Him, this man, that I didn't like at first. Before, he was the assassin, the menace, the freak from a crazy family. Now to me, he was my love, my heart, my passion, not my angel but my demon, and I loved him. Still, how could I expect love from someone who someone who never experienced it, felt it, received it. I guess that's what I get. My mistake, but not my regret, I would never regret anything that had to do with him.

I loved a broken man so much I thought my love would put the pieces of his heart together, molding it back to it's original form. But I guess love wasn't the right thing for him.

To be continued

Author's note: I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I haven't written in some time since I'm kind of drowning in assignments but today I felt like it. Next chapter will be a bit longer since this one didn't reach my 1000 words quota but I'm still proud of this chapter. It's getting cold where I live and it started to rain so I'm more in the mood to write. Anyway I'm kind of ranting right now.

Hope you enjoyed this chapter and are enjoying this story. Have a good day/night

Love you all <3