𝐇𝐔𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐘'𝐒 𝐒𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 | 𝘭. 𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘦𝘳𝘮𝘢𝘯

𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝟏𝟐

𝐈 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐄𝐃 them, you thought. 

You guys had arrived safely back to base...but with a new terror. 

You sat there, guilt gnawed at your heart, until it completely consumed you. It was all my fault that they died. It always has been my fault. You blamed yourself, who else was to blame anyways? You were squad vice captain, it was your responsibility to care for your team, right?

Petra, Gunther, Eld and Oluo. You were there. You felt yourself edged into a wall once more, feeling useless, the same you had felt before you joined the survey corps. You hated how vulnerable you feel right now, damn it, why do you guys have to be so kind? 

You took off your gloves, punching your fist against a tree, until your knuckles bruised and specks of blood surfaced. You stared hard at your hand before slumping down, laying against the tree. They were a family, a happy one, a united family that you never had and it was all taken away before you could show your appreciation. It was the regret that agonized you.

You were deep in thought and didn't even realise that someone was sitting next to you. I glanced over to see who it was. Seems like Levi also needed to calm himself down, despite his calm expression that he always wore. 

I guess everyone has a chapter they won't read aloud.

"I'm sorry, I fucked up again didn't I?" You mumbled, tears started to prick your eyes.

Levi looks at you but does not respond.

"It was my fault that they died. You guys shouldn't have made me vice captain, or better yet, shouldn't have brang me along at all, I'm not fit to be part of the survey corps, at least not anymore."

"It wasn't your fault."

"You're just denying the truth."

"Well this is the harsh world we live in, suck it up princess, I didn't want them to die either but they died fighting, like a true survey corp. Their deaths were inevitable anyways, everyone's death is, at least they're freed from this fucked up world!" He raises his voice.

You were shocked for words, but he was right. It's the best option. It's either death or living in constant fear and they have finally been uncaged from the hell of a world this is.

"Excuse my behaviour," Levi apologises.

"No, you're correct," you wiped your tears and gave yourself a slap on the face, "we must not let their deaths be in vain."

He nods. You slipped your dirtied leather gloves on.

You stood up, holding your covered hand out, he surprisingly grabs it and you yank him up. 

"You're stronger than you think," was all he said before turning his back and walking off.

You let his words sink in. Surely he meant skills-wise? You chose to ignore the comment and headed to meet up with the rest of the survey corps.

"Y/n are you ok?" Eren asked, his face full of concern.

"You look like you may need a rest," Mikasa stated.

"I think we all deserve a rest," I forced a faint smile, reassuring them.

They nod in agreement.

"Hello everyone!" You heard a familiar voice say.

You turned around, seeing Hange and Erwin standing there.

"What are you guys doing here?" You questioned, they only appear during significant times...so that means-

"We need to discuss something and your coming with us," Hange said as she dragged you into Levi's office.

"We are here for your answer," Erwin said as he read your confused expression.

"My answer? Is that really necessary? Because it clearly seems like my opinions do not matter, you guys dragged me into a mission! I barely had time to prepare! I saw why I had decided not to rejoin the survey corps years ago once my wound had healed. I think you have my answer," You snapped, turning on your heels and shutting the door behind you.

You were mad, maybe at them, but mainly at yourself. You stormed out and grabbed your horse, riding away. You heard footsteps follow you but you turned a blind eye.

"Y/N!"

You had never heard Levi scream like that, with so much emotion but even with him tugging at your heartstring, you could not do it, not after the childhood you had lived through.

"Y/n! They were willing to give their lives fighting. You don't want their lives to be in vain do you?" Levi yelled behind you.

You slowed your horse, your mind was in predicament. No, why should I listen?

"You may find me at my hospital office," You coldly say and rode away.

You knew you sounded rude, cruel even, but how else could you push away someone who was all you had left now?

I'm truly sorry. 

Was all you could murmur, not allowing yourself to dwell further. 

ོ

"Bye Dr L/n!" The kid waved and left with his mother.

You smiled and waved, once they were out of sight, you took off your white coat, hanging it on the coat hanger beside your door. Sighing, you sat down on your chair, flicking through the papers, suddenly, you drop the pile of paper on your desk.

A letter.

With his handwriting.

⚘

angst?? finally??? how do y'all feel rn :D

y/n was kind of peer pressured and obviously as most humans, they wouldn't say anything, well at least not me idk about yall. so don't come @ poor y/n, i'll fight ur bitchass if u do /hj

anywho, hope you enjoyed this chapter, stay hydrated and take breaks <33