Wilted Roses 🥀 A Modern AOT Fic

Chapter 10: "The most joyous day."

Jean. July, 2022

My mind was blank. I was numb ever since that day with Sasha. Nothing even really changed with how she treated me, however I was continuing to treat her differently. I could not get over her no  matter how hard I tried. Connie would always try to catch me after class on campus and get me to play games with him. I'd always ignore him and walk on. Eren would even try to antagonize me in the cafeteria. I'd just avoid the food he threw at me. 

College is not distracting me from her like I'd hoped it would. Professor Levi and Hange would notice my distractedness during their classes, and they would, not so kindly, send me to the principle of the college, Principle Erwin. I had not had a conversation with this man since the first week of school, and that was ages ago. 

Erwin was certified in many things, one of them being counseling and psychology. He suggested I talk to someone instead of bottling it up as I was doing. Needless to say, I left his office not taking his advice. 

Connie was waiting for me, and he smiled when he saw me. "Hey, did you want to visit Sasha today?" He asked me, though his voice seemed different for some reason. 

I hadn't visited Sasha in quite a while, and I had no idea how she was actually doing. Looking at Connie's expression, I didn't know if I should be worried or not. 

I started to walk past him when he grabbed my arm and stood up straighter. He pulled me back toward him and I glared over my shoulder at him. "Let go. Now." My tone was much more aggressive than I initially meant for it to be, but I didn't even care. I pulled myself away from Connie and kept walking. 

"Sasha's dying." His voice sent a chill down my spine. Goosebumps popped up on my arms and my hairs stood on edge. There was no way he said what I think he said. I slowly turned to face him, then I noticed the tears falling down his cheeks. "She's dying, Jean, this is our last chance to see her."

I couldn't process this. There was no way. She was completely fine the last time I saw her, the last time I talked to her even. She was so full of energy, and everyone thought she was getting better. "No, you're lying. Why would you lie about that?"

Except. I don't think he is lying. I'm in denial, that's what this was. Simple denial. I've been in denial ever since Sasha said she didn't love me the way I loved her, and it was messing with my whole life. My grades were dropping, my existence seemed meaningless. I don't know why I feel like this. Maybe because we had been together for so long and I just figured she'd always be there and I figured she'd return my feelings for her?

I was pulled from my thoughts when Connie slapped me, hard. "You asshole, why would I lie about this? If you want to see her, we need to go, now." He grabbed my arm and pulled me along.

This time, I let him pull me along and didn't push him away. I followed him, my heart racing. I didn't know what to think. What was I going to do when I saw her? There's so much I want to do with her still, she's still my best friend, she's still the love of my life. I will love her forever, no matter if she loves me back.

Arriving at the hospital felt different, weird somehow. It was eerily quiet as we walked to Sasha's hall. Everything was still. The whole world seemed to freeze. Krista and Ymir were outside her door, whispering about something. Krista's eyes were red. My heart sank to the bottom of my chest, my mind started to flood. I was getting dizzy. I stopped walking and leaned against the wall. Connie, however, kept walking. I sunk down against the wall and sat on the floor, putting my head in my hands. I couldn't go in. 

"Please don't do this, please. Sasha. . ." I heard Niccolo from here, pleading with her, and I heard Connie's cries. Tears fell down my cheeks and I couldn't help myself. 

I cried out for her, hoping, praying to anyone that they would save her.

"Sasha!"

Sasha. 

"Sasha!"

My eyes opened when I heard him. 

Absolute, pure bliss. I haven't felt this good in ages. I am no longer in pain, no longer hurting. My heart is complete, finally at peace. I looked down at my arms. No more IVs, no more bruises from the needles. I reached up and felt my face, something cold on my finger, but I didn't look at it. It was full, no longer sunken in. Tears formed in the corners of my eyes as I turned, expecting to find Niccolo, but he was no where. All there was in front of me was a mirror. I could see myself. I looked healthy again, ready to get on with my life. 

"Sasha? Sasha, please don't do this. . ."

I heard his voice, though it seemed so far away. I didn't know what he meant, what was I not supposed to be doing? I closed my eyes, the warmth of the air around me sinking into my skin. I let out a small breath and opened my eyes. Now I remember. Now I know. 

I'm dead. 

And that's okay. 

Because today was the most joyous day. 

A/N: Don't hurt me please. Umm, I'll answer any questions you have, there's still another chapter.