The perfect guide to hide a body

Step 1: preperation

I was yet again forcing my legs into each of the tubes of fabric that belonged to my trousers, they were denim and baggy, only the best for trousers. Quickly I grabbed my pre-laid out shirt, same colour as my trousers with the British flag in the shape of an S placed on the back, throwing it over my head and grabbing my favourite camo jacket that was slightly covered in all sorts of pin badges. Then walking over to my full body mirror I ruffled my hands through my hair attempting to style it.

Looking over my outfit I looked down at my hotdog socks I realised I needed shoes. Knowing this I waddled over to my shoe cupboard reaching in and grabbing my best pair of boots, they came halfway up my shins. Pulling them onto my feet I began to pull the zip up along the inside.

"Good evening Augie," a voice rang out slightly scaring me, "evenin' Fern," I reply quickly. "So we ready to get to Bruce's house?" He asked slowly sitting down next to where I was kneeling. "Yeah, just let me tighten my laces," I reply doing exactly that.

Finishing my laces I stand up again quickly taking one last look into the mirror, making sure that my camo jacket was perfectly placed over my black storm gang t-shirt, slightly pulling parts of my baggy black trousers out making sure they looked alright, and finally double checking my big black combat boots ensuring they were polished and tightened enough.

"Jesucrito Auggie, date prisa por el amor de Dios. De lo contrario, llegaremos tarde, y si no habra mamadas para la proxima semana." Fernando mumbled out, probably talking nonsense as usual. "Jeez, calm your tits Fernando I'm just making sure I'm not a mess," I say moving a few strands of my cherry blonde hair into place, at least it didn't look like I dropped a slush puppy on my head. The last time I dyed it, before the cherry, I tried to do a spilt dye with red and blue, easy right? Not to me, the stupid dye mixed during the time I had to wait turning it into a fucking slushy.

Before I can let my thoughts wander I grab my keys leaving the house, not forgetting to lock all of the doors and close the windows. As quickly as I can I make my way to each side of my car unlocking the doors, Fernando jumping in the passenger side as soon as it can be opened. Just like Fern, I take myself over to the other door jumping behind the wheel.

Putting the clutch down and key into the ignition turning it to start the engine, only for it not to start. I bashed my head against the steering wheel, "Agust, like I've said a thousand times, you need to get rid of this heap of junk," Fernando stated. Lifting my head I glare at him, "how dare you say such a thing about my precious baby," I half growl at him. "You wouldn't be able to get anywhere without my precious," I cockily tell him.

After trying the ignition again with no response I climb out of my beautiful 2011 blue Land Rover Defender, and quickly walking over to the front. "Hey Fernie can, you pull the bonnet lever?!" I yell into the truck, watching as he disappears, probably laying across the front bench to reach the lever that's hidden by the wheel. Hearing the click of the bonnet unlocking I pull it up, using the pole along the side to hold it up.

Once the bonnet was held up, I looked into the engine finding a crap ton of dead leaves in all shades of brown, as quickly as I could I scooped them all up throwing them down next to my truck, "Fernie! Can you check the engine for me pleeease!" I yell to him, the dudes probably just been sat on his phone messaging his latest fling, not long after yelling I hear my baby roar to life, seems as though it was just the leaves blocking something.

Lowering the bonnet I jump back into the driver's seat lowering the handbrake and finally leaving the driveway and on our way towards this dudes house. "How are you feeling 'bout this Augs?" Fern asked out of nowhere, "what do you mean?" I throw a question, half giving him a side glance. "Well, I mean it's been a while since you've been to a party and y'know the other stuff too," the dumbass explained.

He wasn't wrong it had been a while since I had been to a party, I couldn't go to the last one because I may or may not have been stuck in hospital after an unaliving myself attempt. Now, this is the part where you're thinking, 'oh but Agust your life seems pretty cool getting to go to parties freely, being able to live however you want, owning a vintage car, and being able to dye your hair however and whenever you want to,' yeah to the unknowing eye it seems amazing, but it really isn't.

The only reason I'm alone is that my family left me. First was my older sister, she fell in love with her best friend, it was one of those forbidden loves, or at least that's what Father made it out to be when he found out she was dating a girl. After a shouting match and a door slam or eight and she was gone. I was about, maybe twelve when that happened. It took my parents another year and a half to decide that they wanted to move abroad, Father deciding he no longer wanted to stay in the same country as Lexie.

It kind of makes sense, you know not wanting to be in the same area as someone you hate with all your being, but what could've made sense would have maybe been taking me with them. The last I heard they were out in Paris for a honeymoon do-over, that was at least two years ago. Maybe ever since then, I've felt unwanted, and maybe that messed with me a little more than it should've.

I did get to live with my Nana for a year or two before she passed away, I was the only one around to inherit anything she left and I've been living using that for a few years, I mean of course, I've been working as well, it's the only reason I've been able to keep the truck going, it used to be my Paps car until he passed away. Nana had it sat in her garage for years and I was the only one she trusted to have it.

"I've been doing better," I say finally giving the big idiot a reply. I saw him nod his head from the corner of my eye. The guy wasn't underdressed for the party but his outfit was very simplistic to the point it made mine look over complicated, my Latino asshole of a best friend was wearing a dark maroon shirt, the top two buttons undone showing what was hidden underneath, it was also paired with a pair of tight dark blue jean shorts that didn't really leave much to the imagination but it's what he enjoyed wearing.

It kinda reminded me of last Halloween when we decided to switch races for the day, so I went in wearing something similar to what he was wearing right now and he decided to borrow one of the hanboks that lived in Nana's attic. The whole thing was really funny, except for the part where Becky decided to go on a whole ass rant about how we were being racist or something like that, I don't really know I wasn't paying much attention. I did get a lot of attention from a lot of girls, most of them whining about how I should wear more revealing clothes more often, yeah sorry Bethany but we both know that's not ever happening.