My idol

Can't remember to forget you

January 22nd 2015
Another kid singing to us and by singing I mean screaming but he's such a nice kid how will I say no to him, that's what I'm trying to figure out, but of course Randy looks more than ready to send him off as he smirks through the whole audition.
The kid stops singing, a smile on his face "Uhm listen..." Randy starts, kinda laughing "It's a yes?" The kid says "uhm no, it was horrible" Steven raises an eyebrow at Randy, I've learned that he actually hates when Randy is too hard on people witch I kinda remembered from my season but never actually payed attention to.

"I'm sorry it's gonna be a no" He says and they both turn to me "I'm sorry Angel but this was not it" I smile weakly and the kid nods leaving the room ugh the silence was so loud, at least he was the last audition we had to see in Chicago.

I bang my head in the table covering my face with frustration as he leaves, slowly bringing only my eyes up after I feel Steven's hand in back as a way of comforting me "This looks way more fun when I watched it at home" I look up at him "first year is always hard, I remember Jennifer cried when we had to send Chris Medina home" Randy states and Steven nods and I finally go back to my original position with crossed arms, he removes his hand from my back and Randy get's up going god knows where

.I stay there for a while and to my not so surprise Steven also chose to stay.

"Wasn't that on your season?" He asks "Huh?" I look at him "Chris Medina" Oh "So you remember I was on this show how interesting" I roll my eyes with a very much fake smirk "I mean how would I forget"
"Seems like you forget lot's of things" I look back to the American Idol logo in front of me holding back tears that were bottled for years "Not you th-" He started "Specially me-" I look back at him eyes probably red, by his face I could tell he wasn't expecting tearse "-yeah" I get up and head to where my stuff is so I can go to the hotel but of course he follows me, typical Steven "Hey, Kenz...Kenz looks at me please" I grab my bag and turn around, not cause I wanted to see him but because the door was to that way "You don't know- I- I'm sorry" "Okay...I don't forgive you" I rub my eye "What?" Steven says a little louder, like he was shocked "Yeah Steven, your actions have concequences-" I get closer to him "-you forgot me, you USED me and you're gonna have to live with that for the rest of your life-" He takes a step back "-not that that's gonna keep you up at nig-" I felt my cheek burn, he did it. He hit me.

I look up at him, that didn't hurt compared to all the pain he's put me through "Good." I smirk wiping a tear from my eye, I head to the door bumping into his arm on purpose.

I reach the door handle but he grabs my arm turning me around, pushing his lips into mine, I let out a moan as I get pushed into the door, it felt good, I wanted it, I needed it but it's what he wants and I'm done with him allways getting what he wants, so I quickly push him from me, leaving as fast as possible.

Fuck him.

January 25th 2011
Christmas was boring, I loved the time surrounding Christmas, like shopping, decorations, the music, the movies the clothes but when it comes to Christmas day, I really don't get it... it's allways so boring, Steven did call tho just like he did on new years.

I'm not planning on telling my family about us, no one should know, SPECIALLY while the show's still going...plus I don't even know what we are, like there's definitely something going on but we're not dating.

Are we?

Nah I don't think so...

But none of that matters right now cause today is the big day, me and the other 23 contestants were taken to a beautiful hotel, where we'll stay for the next 4 days since today is the big day!
Live performances start in 2 hours and I can't wait.

We can pick any song we'd like and in 2 days the results would be out and 11 of us would be gone, god America please vote for me!

I chose to sing Call me by Blondie, cause it's one of my favorite songs and I've been singing it since forever so what could go wrong.

They gave us 400 dollars to spend on wardrobe so I spent them wisely on this 80s huge dark blue blazer, the shoulder pads had these silver lines falling from it and that was only about 80 bucks so I really spent none of it since the rest of what I would be wearing I already owned, inside the blazer would be a white top then some washed loose jeans and dark blue heels, the same color as the blazer.

I was currently sitting on a chair getting my hair done, I was planning on also getting a lil more fluffy you know but not much, I was just excited since my hair was growing.

After getting ready all I had to do is wait and hope for the best, the rehearsals went great and if I earn enough confidence I might even get down from the stage and sing next to the judges table, but I don't know.

After 30 minutes the production called everyone to the stage and told us to head to the chairs in the right part of the stage and it was while I was there that I found out that I was singing after Haley, Haley Reinhart, this beautiful blonde girl with a black dress and the brightest curly hair ever, might ask her about her shampoo one of these days.

I felt Steven's eyes on me here and there but chose not look back at least while he looked at me you know cause I'm cool and shit...no I'm not I'm freaking out but oh well.

The performances felt like they were flying by to my happiness Naima did amazing, god I hope she makes it far, it's always good to have a friend near you. But my thoughts were cutoff after they start playing Haley's video on the giant screen wich means I'm next oh god I'm next.

I've never spoken to this Haley girl but I remember her being in the same line as me on Hollywood weak and she's got THE voice.
She sang Fallin by Alicia Keys and Randy hated it wich didn't help my anxiety at all, but Steven and Jennifer seemed to like it and there it was "Now let's bring to stage the girl that blew the judges in Milwaukee, Mackenzie O'Brian" My audition started playing in the giant screen and Ryan signalized for me to get ready.

And so I did that, grabbed the microphone and stood on the stage waiting for my video to end.

Now when I felt Steven's eyes on me I looked back at him, he gave me a reassuring smile and I nodded smiling back at him.

And just as soon as that moment ended the guitar started and all the thoughts of anxiety were gone as I just felt the music, I even got to go down the stage and around the judges table it felt amazing by the end of the song.

The judges seemed to be happy with it but I guess I'll have to wait to know "Listen..." Randy started and my heart skipped a beat "-there's no doubt you could sing and sang this song beautifully and you were clearly enjoying yourself up there but I don't know if this was the right song for you" the crowd started booying at him and I nodded "Hi baby" said Jlo of course "Hi angel" I smiled back at her "You have such an amazing talent, you not only sing, you PERFORM and right now you were amazing and there's no doubt in that, no doubt buuuut-" oh no "-It do have to agree with Randy when it comes to song choice" I nod again "Hi Kenz-" says a happy Steven "-you allways find way to amaze me and today was no exception-" I blush "-I think you killed this, you held nothing back and that to me just showed me you deserve to be here" I smiled and Ryan approached me and started talking to the audience, I was just happy everything went amazing.

Now couldn't wait to throw myself in bed.