My idol

Hollywood Tonight

December 13th 2014

I tried not to think much about the fact I'll have to see Steven's face and interact with him for like half a year, of course I could've just have declined idol when they invited me but it's such an opportunity, and I'm not throwing anything away cause of that man.
"I'm going in there, I'm-imma walk in look at his face and...and I'm telling him-" I walk to the door with all my strength "-who am I kidding I can't do this" I stop turning around knowing I couldn't, I mean, shouldn't leave...You see we had to start shooting for the promos today, photoshoots included. The press is already suspecting that I'm a judge, but as soon as everybody knows we'll have to have everything ready.

"Do you need help with the door or....?" I flinch turning around to see a recognizable face holding the door "Randy! Hi oh my god" I walk in trying to not look around much before I see something I don't wanna see or most likely someone.
"What's new dawg?" I ask making him let out a laugh "Still the same but I heard you got lot's of things going on" I smile "Yeah a new album actually-" he makes a surprised face as I haven't told anyone (the press) about this "-but the idea is still very fresh and with idol might have it done by mid 2015 I don't know"
A dark haired lady approaches me and leads me to the make up station, she's working on my blush, and it all happened very quickly, not my fault to be honest I just wanted to look in the mirror, blame reflection but there he was...reflected in this mirror clearly flirting with one of the hair ladies, and you can say I'm just assuming things but come on??? The way he's relaxing his arm on the table leaning his head back and pushing his lips out, he's definitely flirting. Of course you wouldn't know.

But I do.

Not that I care, do I? No I don't, I totally don't.

What I do care for is that in that one fucking second, not more ,just one, the one time I even saw him after what 3, 4 years he had to look back, I've managed to somehow make eye contact with him through a mirror reflection, of course it didn't last long but this is something I'm gonna beat myself about.

I look in the mirror again trying to not care about what was going on behind me but of course, my heart skips a beat as I see a skinny leather figure moving towards me, fixing his hair taking his sunglasses off, what is this a wedding purposal? "Kenz" I turn around "Steven" I smile screaming inside "Hi-" he sits down on the chair next to mine, which I'm sure says Randy in the back "-how've you been" he puts his sunglasses down in the table "I'm sure you'd love to know" fuck, that wasn't supposed to come out, not that he doesn't deserve it I smirk to my thoughts "Okay straight to the point I see..." there's an awkward silence and I look back to the mirror pretending to fiz my lashes "They look good-" He says and I face him again "Now what do you know about make up" I say trying to break the ice...I mean we would have to work together after all "Oh you'd be surprised" He get's up "You know I wouldn't" I say making him laugh as he leaves.

November 23rd 2010

I love car trips, looooong car trips so you can imagine my happiness blasting what is and what should never be by Led Zeppelin in my headphones, going to Hollywood to start this journey...I mean kinda I would've enjoyed it a bit more if I didn't feel like throwing up through the whole morning, blame anxiety.

I got assigned to my hotel room, a girl was already there, I guess I have a roommate "Hey girl" she says nicely "Hi" I smile softly, she looks nice "Naima" she says "Mackenzie, but you can call me Kenz" she smiled again looking back to the magazine she was reading.

In an hour we had to go on stage to sing Acapella to the judges so I decided to have a shower and dress something a little better than leggings and a sweater, not much tho just jeans, sneakers and a top or something, let my hair dry on its own since it's short and fixed my bangs real quick before going downstairs with the others.

So many people sitting on that theatre, I looked over and saw that girl...Naima waving at me, she saved me a seat, how great.
I sat next to her my leg shaking way more than usual "Girl are you okay?" She asks with the same smile she had a few hours earlier "Yeah I'm just anxious"
"Noooo really?" She says sarcastically causing me to laugh "Aren't you" She shrugs "I guess...I'm just glad to be here you know"
I smile at her not knowing what else to say.

And there I was sitting down looking at so many contestants leaving the stage with tears and some really angry moms next thing I knew I was called on stage to stand with the next group, I wasn't catching names but this group was so good, the first girl singing, Haley?Haley something I don't know... She was amazing I'm starting to question my talent at this point.

"Mackenzie it's your turn baby," Jlo smiles up at me warming my heart, I step to the front "I'm sorry, let me just say something" Steven get's up "I'm seeing lot's of people forgetting words and wanting to restart from zero, please everyone choose your best song, a song you know wouldn't fail" He sits down again getting some claps cause like... it's Steven Tyler, man could fart and get cheers for it.

But his advice made me change my song last minute "You can start now Mackenzie" Randy says looking down at a paper

I take a breath in "I heard he sang a good song, I heard he had a style and so I came to see him, to listen for a while, and there he was, this young boy, a stranger to my eyes
Strumming my pain with his fingers singing my life with his words killing me softly with his song" I stop singing "Okay than thank you"  Jlo says.

Might not be the hardest song to sing right now but oh well it's done, at least that.

"Haley, Scotty and Mackenzie step toward" my legs are shaking "I'm sorry back row but it's over for you, front row you're in" Steven says I look at him and he gives me a wink, oh lord he gotta be crazy or something, making me wanna faint right there.

I was in, I made it.

I go back to the chairs and sit down with the biggest smile "You go girl" Naima says smiling back at me and hitting her shoulder to mine. Right after me Naima was called with a few others, and she's also staying, thank god cause she's the only person I know here and she's really nice.

I went up to hug her and not even an hour later we were being told the obvious, we still had to do the group prove,
Hollywood week obviously doesn't end like this, I've watched this show since Kelly Clarkson.
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