Wolf Girl (Book 3)

Chapter 9: Jana

Jana's POV

Maddy and Rhydian head over to talk to Ceri and Gerwyn, I turn around to follow Carys, I know she wants to be alone, but I that doesn't mean I do.

She sits against a tree, throwing twigs into the river and watching them get carried away with the gentle flow of water.

"She's been exiled," I sit beside her, "It's over."

"It'll never really be over though, will it? She's a lone wolf now. What's to stop her from tracking us back to Stoneybridge?"

"Why would she do that? After everything, what would be the point?"

She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a piece of crumpled sketch paper. She unfolds it and stares at the page with an expression I can't quite make out.

"I went through her things last night while she was tied up at the Kronock. I was just looking for something that might explain why she did all those terrible things. She doesn't have a lot of stuff, only a few handmade weapons, and some paper and pencils that she must have stolen from Rhydian last time he was here, and this," she hands me the paper.

"What is it?"

"Just read it," she says.

I look at the page, in scribbly writing, not so different from my own penmanship when I learned to write, is a letter addressed to Carys.

Dear Carys,

You may think I'm strong, that I could kill anything that comes my way. Maybe you think I'm brave in some ways. Yes, I am brave and strong when it comes to being a wolf, but when it comes to my humanity, I'm a coward. I think you can see that. I try hard not to let you see, or anyone, but I know you see it anyway. Something about you is different, different to any wolf I've ever known. You captivate me. I hate myself for feeling like this towards another girl, and worse, a tame. If you ever read this, and I would die if you did, then you'll know that I am so sorry for how I've been treating you, but it's the only way I know how to deal with the shame I feel when I think of you. I'm just scared. I'm terrified. I will never tell you how I feel. I do not know much of love, but I'm almost certain that this is it.

Ingrid

I read and re-read, trying to make sense of it. I can't believe what I'm reading.

"She felt something for me and now she's been sent off to die alone. She felt something human that she was too ashamed to talk about. And it's all my fault," she throws down her handful of twigs and branches and kicks them into the river with rage. She hugs her knees and cries.

"Hey, don't talk like that. She was an awful person; her feelings don't excuse what she did, okay? Don't you dare blame yourself again," I lift her face up and wipe her tears away.

"All I can do is blame myself, it is my fault. If I had just talked to her- Jana we lived out here for months and I made no effort to become a proper part of this pack. She had to watch us living so openly and happily. If we had just spent some time getting to know her, maybe she could have learned to be honest, and not be ashamed of who she is."

"Look, Carys. I'm not saying she deserves to die, no one does, but she had to be held accountable and, in her case, that means exile. What she did set an example for the rest of the pack, so no one else will ever get away with mistreating members of this pack again. And anyway, she'll be fine out there. Hell, if Bryn can survive for as long as he did then I'm sure Ingrid will thrive."

It feels so wrong to talk about Ingrid as if we should all be concerned about her, but I'm worried about Carys, as usual. I look down at the letter again, I hand it to Carys. She stares at it for a minute, then scrunches it up and throws it into the river. We sit and watch it get carried down the stream until it's pulled under and gone for good.