Spaces | Niall Horan

Eight - Space

Without a single word told, I left from there and never looked back. I needed a break, a little space from him and everyone I know. There is just too much on my mind at the moment and I badly need to sort it out with myself. I try to process whatever happened few minutes back and for the past three days into my head and try to stop myself from breaking down on the cab.

The first terrible fight, the second fight, Jake and I kissing, Niall kissing me and the third fight and lastly; the break. Nothing seems to make sense at the moment. Why did he tell me to stay away from him? Why did Niall kiss me? Why did both of them fight and what was it about? There are millions of questions running in my head right now and the only person who can give me answers is none other than Jake.

I reached home after an hour drive from there. I paid the driver and unlocked the door, walking in to find the house empty. The living room was empty and so was the kitchen. This is weird. Every time I come home, I always find my mother in the kitchen cooking something new. That's how my mother is; she always has the craze to invent something new with her cooking skills Now I know where I got my hobby from.

I walk into the kitchen and started looking around for a note and finally found one on the fridge.

'Your aunt Ivy is not feeling well so I'm over at her place. I'll be back tomorrow afternoon. Order something for dinner if you get hungry'

That is what was written on that paper with scribbled handwriting in blue ink. I sigh and put the paper aside while looking at the clock on the wall. It's four in the evening and all I want to do now is go inside my room and sleep as long as I can, but I know I can't. I need answers to my questions. I dialed Jake's number and waited for him to answer. After a few rings, he answers but there was a couple of shuffling sounds on the other side of the phone.

"Uh hello?" I answer awkwardly.

"Hey, yeah sorry" he answers after a few seconds.

"I called to ask whether are you free tonight?" I ask. I hope he doesn't get the wrong idea.

"Yeah, I am. Why?" I can hear the tap going off. I think he's at home.

"Can you come over in an hour? Don't ask why"

"Um, okay?"

"Yeah, thanks. See you then" I immediately cut the call and throw my phone on the bed and grab my towel. I walk towards the bathroom and get into the shower. I probably need to apologize to him for whatever happened between him and Niall. I'm sure that he's injured too.

After a quick shower, I step out of the bathroom while tying the towel around me and walking back into my room. I change into a pair of sweats and a lose t-shirt, letting my hair down to air dry. What will I say when he arrives? Hi I need to ask you something that's why I called you here? I need to make some reason up so he doesn't think that I'm using him or something.

Before I could think of something else, the door bell rings and I panic. What am I going to say?! Why am I even panicking? I should just tell him the truth. No. I can't.

I opened the front door and there he was standing, in his white t-shirt and black jeans. His hair spiked up into a perfect quiff. I smile and step aside to let him in. He hands me a white envelope and I look at him confusingly.

"Someone placed this at your door step" He says and I nod. Speak Elena, speak.

"Oh um thanks." I hope I didn't stutter and I do hope that my nervousness isn't showing. We walk into my room and I put the envelope aside so we can sit. I don't know why we are in my room. I planned to ask him questions in the living him but he decided to follow me.

"Why did you call me here?" He asks. I'm sure that he's dying with curiosity. It's okay, I'm dying here too, thinking what to answer him with.

"Because uh... I-I wanted to apologize for Niall" I frown. That's a good reason.

"You really don't have to, you know. It's alright" He touches my hand and I smile.

"Why did y'all fight though?" Here comes the questions.

"It's not much of a big deal" He silently laughs. The look on his face tells me that he's lying. I know he doesn't want to tell me.

"No, no! It is! Tell me, please" I want to force it out of him even if I have to strangle him, I will.

"It really isn't, El. He was just angry" He looks away. His facial expression changes into a very nervous expression.

"Why was he angry?"

"Because I kissed you" he mumbles. "Can I use the bathroom?" he clears his throat and I nod. He gets up and walks into the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I patiently wait for him to come out so I can ask him more questions. Once I start asking questions I'm curious about, I can't ever stop until I get the proper and logic answer. I spot the white envelope sat on the clear glass table and I pick it up, tearing off the top part of the paper. I peek inside and spot a shiny, silver chain. What the hell?

Now I'm getting even more curious. Who could've sent me this? There was neither name nor an address. Just a blank, clean piece of envelope. I pull out the chain and there was a key pendant attached to it which somehow looked like a real key. Together with the necklace, there was a letter. I unfold the letter and there was a full page of writing on both sides.

The handwriting was written in a very dirty cursive but it still seemed familiar and easy to read. How come? I'm not very good at reading cursive writing to be honest.

The letter read;

I want to start off by apologizing for my useless handwriting. I know not the best thing to do to start a letter but you know right that I absolutely hate writing? And I suck at it. I know, I know. You're mad at me and I also know that you still are for the past three day but I'm sorry, El. I'm sorry that I couldn't make it up to you. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you at times when you needed me the most and I apologize for it now because I know that I probably won't be there in the future too. I'm sorry for the times I hurt you by yelling at you, especially for the past three days. I do realize my mistakes and I do know that I've blamed you for the things I should blame myself for. I don't know if you'd ever trust me again but you were the first person I've ever put my full trust on after my parents got divorced. You were the first person I opened up to and there's no way I'd want to lose you. Remember the first day you punched my nose and it wouldn't stop bleeding because I tickled you? It still makes me laugh because it made you laugh. I'd do anything for you to be happy even if I have to keep myself away from you. You told me you wanted space from me. Now, I'm giving it to you by going away. I don't know if this is the best thing or not, it probably isn't but it is right now. I don't know if you know this or not but I really care about you and I always will. Even if distance comes in our way, I will never leave by your side. I'll always be the Nialler you love and you'll always be the El I'v-

I stop reading. I can't do this anymore. It got to the point where both of us need space and distance from each other after a five year friendship. This is not what I expected my future to be. This is not how I expected my friendship to end; with us fighting for space with each other. I can't read any further. I need a distraction from this. From him, from everything that is happening in my life and in my head. I need a distraction from my thoughts, badly.